Month 9 Round-Up

So sorry, I had something fun planned for today but I cannot get it to work!  Darn, something to look forward to for another day.

So I'll just give you an old boring round-up for this month instead.  This month I worked on being a better disciplinarian.  It was kind of a joke (again you say?  I know I know).

I did make a list of all the discipline scenarios I see most days.  This was much easier than I thought.  All I had to do was set out a pen and paper for an afternoon and record the different challenges I faced as I went about my usual business.  I discovered that they are the same set of challenges I face pretty much every day!  Here is the list: turning on the TV before chores are done, doing something after being specifically told not to :), not getting off comptuer/TV when time is up, whining, not coming to dinner when I call (after, like 4 times!), eating foods intended for special occasions, poor manners, taking food out of the kitchen, not cleaning up after self, not getting chores done, reading after bed time, getting out of bed (sometimes quite a few times!), fighting over a toy or seat at the dinner table, screaming, hitting (little cute new tantrummer, I'm looking at you!), and ignoring basic personal hygiene.

I also made a rule list (only I'm not going to admit how late in the month I did it!).  Here it is, open to improvisation or improvement (I wanted it to be fairly simple, so even little kids can understand, and easily distilled into a few overarching principles, marked in bold...I also tried to frame things positively, though the very first rule isn't framed that way, just couldn't resist the Cars reference):

Here is a small sample of the list:

Respect  

For others and possessions.

No bitin’, no hittin’, no scratchin’, no takin’ toys, no spittin’, no screamin'.

Eat and keep food at the dinner table, please.  When you are finished, clear your things and a few more.

Show respect to others by using please, thank you, excuse me, and polite table manners.

Respect others, their homes, rules and possessions, too.

So, here is the sort of fail part.  I have learned how helplessly hopelessly I need to work on this.  Just being aware did not help in this case.  It made it worse, because seeing how badly we need a little discipline around here made me less patient.  So I tried to turn on the more authoritative me, and I stink at it.  I don't know how to do authoritative without being grouchy.  Or follow through more and be empathetic and loving about it.  The one exception is the tip I got from The Five Love Languages of Children-- to express love in some form when disciplining the child, ie, giving a hug on the way to a time-out, or saying "I love you."  That has become relatively easy for me, even when I'm angry, but I've been working on that for over a year now (I just don't put them in time out nearly enough, giving lots of chances in an increasingly distressed Mom voice).

So my month on trying to do better (and I know I'm just getting started, as the rules are just now being solidified) actually culminated, last night, in an ugly cross-the-line losin' it on my part in a dark, slushy Wal-Mart parking lot.  Yes, I lost it.  So lets just say this is something I will probably be working on until the day I die.

Happy happy weekend everyone!