Good Day

We had a great day (much better than yesterday!).

Walked the kids to school, had a refreshing chat with a friend as our kids hopped and skipped and bug-inspected their way home.

Planted some flowers while the kids ate Popsicles and made mud pies with the dirt out of the pots.  Ava (3) put her muddy pot brimming with brown floating goodness in a corner and told me "Mom, don't touch my whirlpool!"

Helped at the school's field day, helping Kindergartners first-- they were so cute-- many of the games were designed for older kids, and it was so fun to watch them figure things out.   In an obstacle course race, carrying bright orange buckets under pipes over a wet slip-n-slide, they inched their way along with tentative maneuverings, afraid to get wet.  At the end, they were supposed to dump their pail into a small swimming pool and go to the back of the line.  One little girl actually got in the swimming pool and was rolling around in it, happy as a clam.  Loved being outside enjoying the perfect weather, the energy and excitement of all the kids, and the other moms, too.

Painted faces.  Love doing this-- the kids are so cute and its fun to talk to them one-on-one.  I am terrible at it, but they don't seem to mind too much. 

This little girl (top pictures) LOVES it when I come to the school.  She loves Percy Jackson; she asked for a trident on one cheek and a lightning bolt on the other.  Her friend was cute, too.

This boy and his friends had the giggles.  I love that they are such good buds.  He asked for eyelids on his eyelids and a green mouth with lots of teeth around his mouth.  I have to say, my two kiddos asked for things no other kids asked for.  It makes me laugh-- I love to see their personalities.

This little girl recovered from the possessed Belle I painted on her face and went on to get a little creative with the paints while I was busy painting faces and taking care of baby.  Looks like we replaced Demented Belle with Stumpy Unicorn.

Remembering Her (even though she's still alive)

We trailed into a country church twenty seconds before it started; the only seats left were the front row.  Organ pipes sweet as my little blond six-year old rested her elbow on my knee and smiled at me with hazel-ish green eyes.  Am I dreaming it?  Trying to be positive is already giving me even more loving feelings toward my cuties, and vice-versa. 

(This talk is all about the fact that we often feel the way we talk, making negative feelings even more negative.  Also read on Happiness Project website that venting anger doesn't help; it hurts-- here (#4).  I need to remember to talk the way I want to feel [from 'act the way I want to feel' -- the Happiness Project].  I've also noticed my kiddos talking more positively toward me and each other as I've tried to be more positive.)

Unobstructed view of a cute 16-ish boy who joked he was asked to talk about "dead people."  Made me think of my beloved grandmas, one of whom who raised eleven children.  What a great example of positivity she was; in her life history, she recounted the perils of raising such a large brood-- from escaped snakes to stitches to a near-hanging (my father, perched on his tricycle, hanging from a rope and found just in time) to a young daughter who fell on the floor at dinner crying "oh my heart! oh my heart!"  Instead of complaining about these troubles, she would reinforce the value of each unique child-- "we were glad she survived that.  We needed and loved our _______ [child's name]." (said at least once about each child)  She focused on how proud she was of each of them and their indispensability to the family.

What makes her story even more impressive was the fact that theirs was a combined family.  She lost her first husband in the war; he lost his wife to cancer.  They started their life together with six children.  They decided from the get-go that the children were theirs-- no step anything or half anything (she said-- "who's ever heard of half a person?").  When asked by acquaintances whose children were whose, she would say "they are ours."  When they would persist, so would she.  (What guts!  I couldn't do that) They even moved to give their family a fresh start in a new place so they could avoid those kind of questions.  She treated my grandfather's children as her own and vice-versa.  To this day, his oldest son visits her nearly every day and calls her "mother."  Until I was an adult, I always thought of all my aunts and uncles as my aunts and uncles, no distinctions.  They were a family. 

Things I'm trying to remember: no complaining (especially in front of the child)-- since it rarely does any good, no comparing my children, keep my mouth shut even when well-meaning people want information or comment on something my child is or does...think/talk well about myself, too.

Desert VIP

Went for a drive on a dusty red road through dry sage brush and clay hills with Grandpa yesterday.  Stopped to look at some rocks.  The kids found some fossil shells, shiny obsidian, and a rodent skull.  So windy we came home with sand in our hair and pressed in our ears.   Reminded me how good memories together aren't always of the perfect times, but bonding over imperfect ones, too.  Out of the wind, I let my two little girls sit in my lap in the car while others searched for more rocks.  I'd had the song I'm a VIP in My Family playing over and over in my head since I woke up.  They giggled when I'd say "very important person" and squeeze them.  Excited for this month's goals.

Looking for frogs at Grandpa's.

Cup Half Full and a Maserati

We went on a long road trip yesterday, winding between and over pine mountains in the waning light. We successfully completed a 60 second piano recital on our way to Grandpa's house. Stopped for food with 2 hours to go. Hubby got some waters with our order; probably because he asked for no less than seven waters :) (we're used to it, but its still embarrassing to ask sometimes), they gave them to us in little tiny ice cream sundae cups. I was wondering how it was going to go with everyone having about two sips of water on the long drive. :)

Gearing up to talk positively to and about the kids :), I thought I could start with the water. So, instead of grumbling about the size of the waters (I understand, after all...that is a lot of waters), I opened our dusty van door and said "look how lucky we are! We get to drink out of these cute tiny cups!" The kids acted really excited. I tossed some crinkly wrapped burgers around like an underhanded basketball while I overheard them saying "When I'm done, I'm saving my cup. I want to keep it!"

Hubby anxious to pass slow slow trailer after 20 mins, gassed it so hard when his time came and then he just kept on going. It felt fast? Felt like he suddenly thought our minivan was a Maserati. I looked warily at the speedometer and he was only going 50-- five over the speed limit. Even the kids started asking "why is Dad going so fast?" After that, he slowed down and we laughed. Today my six year old said "Dad, go 50!" Now that is what she thinks of as fast.

Winding through more canyons, hub-bub of chatter in the car, we spotted a moose and her calf knee deep in a stream, lots of deer, and, at the top of a mountain, a crystal sky-blue lake. I had my feet up on the dashboard, enjoying my new fuchsia colored toenails and (am I dreaming it?) thinner legs (morning exercising paying off, got a long way to go still). Marks on dashboard reminded me how thankful I am for my pain-free legs (story here). Lots of bad jokes about deer, but I was happy to hear the kids laughing-- "oh dear, I missed the deer." Later I sat in back with the girls for a sleepy chat to Grandpa's house.  Dusk settled as we raced the night train, just a sleepy little family and some sagebrush.

A Little Disclaimer

In no way am I, the author of this blog, endorsing or detracting from specific parenting styles or procedures.  Everyone is different in personality and circumstance; there is no one right way.  :) I'm just telling my story.  Just doing my best to be the best parent I can be considering my own circumstances.  I hope it inspires someone out there to do their own project-- to make the most of their time with children-- however that may look for them.  Thanks for reading!

Contrail

1. con·trail

noun /ˈkänˌtrāl/  A trail of condensed water from an aircraft or rocket at high altitude, seen as a white streak against the sky* Today The stroller left Three tracks In the dry brown dirt, Slow contrails From a micro trip Through tall yellow grass, Cattails glittering with dew-glass, And sun-crowned Scottish thistles. The sounds of a diminutive metropolis Hum around us-- Crickets chirruping contentedly, Songbirds babbling, trill-flit, The steady chuck-chuck of a Pasture sprinkler, And a horse Chewing in time. You point a chubby finger, Pausing for the word Your mouth hasn't tasted yet. I love your round Cheeks, Orange tiger-striped Jammas, And your expression, Discovering the world. Content today To make slow contrails in the dirt And watch an airplane hurry on her way, Trailing a silver buttermilk cloud As she rises over A hazy mountain With a faint buzz And disappears. Some day I'll be tracing my finger Across the sky, Watching your contrails As you hurry off to conquer the world. The little pointing finger Will be gone, And I'll remember this bucolic morning, My little boy's Tubby figure clad in Tiger-striped jammas, Looking at me as if I were the whole world. When it's my turn to fly over that Mountain, High up on my way to Arrivederci, I'll crane my neck And strain my eyes, Not for India's Mahal, But for a little Dirt path In the leaning afternoon grass And a little boy Frozen in time. This post based on this day. *Contrail definition by Google*

Worth It

Going to publish a poem, but realized there is a story behind the story.  Will publish tomorrow, here is the story behind the story for today. 

(Inspired in part by this (as quoted by Gordon B. Hinkley here):

"I am always moved by this simple verse of Anne Campbell, written in behalf of her child. Said she:

You are the trip I did not take;

You are the pearls I cannot buy;

You are my blue Italian lake;

You are my piece of foreign sky.

Many of you are mothers...When you grow old and your hair turns white, you will not ask about the fancy clothes you once wore, the cars you drove, or the large house in which you lived. Your burning question will be, “How have my children turned out?” ")

Airplane
I like to watch
The red-eye winking
In predictable time
From the tips of her wings
As she descends back
Toward earth
From a long journey to another world.
...Another titanic silver albatross
And another,
A silent queue
Converging
In a neat line,
Others ascending
One by one,
Then turning
Over the mountains
And out of sight.
Where are you going?
Where have you been?
Tell me your stories
As you
Spin golden threads
In a web
Across the sky;
Threads connecting
Mumbai,
Delhi,
Bangladesh,
London Heathrow,
Paris,
and Arrivederci.
I want to go there
Some day;
For now,
I want to stay,
Tie shoes,
Kiss boo-boos,
Grow life traveller-adventurers.
Today I'm content
To watch you
Ascend, descend, descend,
Ascend, and dream
Your story.
Where are you going?
Where have you been?

The Verdict on Month One

Month one is almost over. Things I learned:

1 - my dishwasher can handle dirtier dishes than I thought it could :)

2 - clearing out one time waster made a huge difference in my productivity.

3 - the quality time I spent with my kids each day was often the highlight of the whole day.

4 - getting outside and being more active made a big difference in my mood and made for some fun memories with the kids.

5 - keeping my own well refilled is just as important to this project as the things I'm doing with my kids...I need to stay balanced so I have enough to give.

6 - I'm even more of a procrastinator than I thought--why the "interruption factor" is so hard for me. (note: when first I noticed this, I realized this is so hard for me I saw myself as a lost cause in this regard...but I'm amazed that a little awareness goes a long way-- just being aware I need to work on it has made it easier)

7 - When it comes to tasks, its all about expectations-- low expectations, that is. :) (if I set my expectations too high, like thinking I can clean the whole house in an hour, then I'm just setting myself up to be frustrated, especially at the interruptions)-- I need to keep expectations especially low on busy days...(and I need to expect to be interrupted!)

8 - awareness of what causes me stress-- panic time tends to come when I haven't planned ahead, leave too little time to get little bodies somewhere, or when the house is messy.

9 - the weeds can wait - nothing beats the feeling of knowing I did something really important today...the dishes can wait, and so can the weeds, or the laundry, but my kids aren't going to wait around to grow up...I don't want to miss it!

10- Be flexible.

11- When it comes to quality time with the kids, 5 minutes can mean a lot.

12 - When I put God first, the rest falls into place.

13 - I can have memorable dates with hubby without going anywhere far away or fancy.

14 - I made too many resolutions for one month :)-- I'm just too excited & have lots to work on-- next month's will be simpler.

15 - we had some really special times together! (I'm going to post a poem tomorrow about one of them)  What a great experience so far.

Girl Time

~Fun painting nails today!~

Today

I sat on the dusty white school gym floor and listened to my third grader sing "Zipity Do Dah," with the cutest sideways glancing smile on her face. The baby sat in my lap-- he wanted to get down and crawl around; it was a silent wrestling match. Little girls watching and wiggling in their mis-matched getups...sometimes two in my lap at a time. Even with the fidgets I had this surge of gratitude for my little ones. Its such a busy life with five kids but I'm so thankful for each one of them.

Watched a tiny tiny slug after walking kiddos to bus; normally I don't like slugs, but it was the first one my girls had ever seen. Watched it make a trail of silver on ground, lift a tiny head up as if trying to see something, and retract its antennae when lightly touched. They were both upset when a cute redhead came out with a shiny white cottage cheese bucket and removed it (for turtle feeding); my three year old was crying and wouldn't budge. Even I felt a little traumatized-- surprise-- but I'm glad she cares.

At reading time today three year old asked to look at a scrapbook of her older sister. There is a picture of my graduation, holding a little blond boy and a little blond girl with a neon pink flower, one on each knee (where did the time go?). Three year old said to me-- "Wow, Mom, thats sure a cute witch outfit you have on!"

Yesterday: ate popcorn-lime-flavored on the porch, read a story about a boy who prayed when scared at night (six year old scared a lot lately), and cried together at story and courage of NieNie.

Eclipse

Some highlights of the weekend:

Watching my little lambies actually follow Little Bo Peep over the "bridge," in front of grandparents while my baby said "Oh," "oh," very loudly while clapping with chubby hands. (especially when there were no other sounds, eliciting low audience chuckles)

Enjoying time with our sisters around the dining table in our messy house, learning that setting aside my housework can have good effect even with adults.

Sunday afternoon, tried to rig something out of cardboard to watch the eclipse with my ten year-old. Wasn't working. Our projections were just larger than a pin prick. We tried to "see it"-- but couldn't decide if the lopsided-ness of the projections were just from our lopsided cardboard holes. Ha. Hubby rigged something better out of a big white moving box we could stick our head in, then friends came over with a telescope and projected 6-inch diameter crescent on our deck. Even better, trailed all the kids to a neighbor's with welding goggles; took turns looking through them as moon became surrounded by a ring of fire and the landscape turned eerily gray and our friend's toddler picked their flowers. Slowly trailed home, ate homemade popcorn, kids played "nature reserve" in the weeds, watched the garden grow.

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

In spite of the fact that I've learned not to panic on busy days, we had a near melt down yesterday. We had a dance rehearsal for the little girls, and we were a few minutes late because my three year old was napping and I had to wake her up. It went downhill from there. She was super whiny and uncooperative. At one point she had to put on a costume for her Little Bo Peep dance-- she was supposed to be a sheep-- and when she saw that her tutu was a sheep's fur (I thought it was quite adorable) she absolutely refused to put it on. She saw others in pink polka dotted tutus and didn't understand why she couldn't wear those instead. Of course she is three, and I know that, but all logic and persuasion could not stem the flow of tears and bottom-lip-out stubbornness. It was hot and crowded in the dressing room, and I was frustrated. All of this while I'm trying to hold my baby, who was unaccountably fussy again and rubbing his ear, and helping my six year old get her costumes on in a hot and crowded dressing room. Their dance teacher, who is normally a saint, was the grumpiest I've ever seen her.

Finally I sat her in the car so she could calm down (and me too). When we got home, the baby was still fussy and the house was a disaster. My father-in-law showed up to visit and my husband got home soon afterward. After a haphazard pizza night, I was going to try to clean the house while the boys worked in the garden, but my six year old begged me to play with her (and baby was fussy enough it was clear it was a lost cause). I'm trying to do better about being willing to do things with them on their timeframe (within reason). I took 15 to tidy up and then went outside. The kids wanted to play kick-the-can. I told them 15 minutes tops. I was feeling really overwhelmed. But the night was so beautiful, and all my flowers have bloomed-- pink peonies and foxglove and delphinium, and the air was fragranced and sweet. The night was lightly warm and I carried the baby while we hid in flowerbeds and the shouts of "over-the-can on _____" rang through the neighborhood. My mood was instantly lightened, the kids were happy, it was so refreshing to be out, and we ended up playing for 40 minutes instead of 15. When it was time to go in, I was so glad I'd allowed myself to go out and play, something I probably wouldn't have done before without my work done. It changed my mood and lightened the day and the kids loved it. Ended the night with some peach pie on paper plates listening to the night sounds through the open windows...

A Few Minutes

Note to self: don't try new resolutions in May (the craziest month for moms-- how did I forget?). I absolutely have not done one single thing on my organization and bugdet this whole week.

Highlights of the last two days: walk with the kids to school, time alone with baby on the way home (dad home with girls), listening to birds, the hum of bugs, and the wind rustling the grass. He was so cute-- just drank it in.

Books with the little ones in the car during kindergarten testing. Baby kept leaning on the steering wheel and a loud blare would issue from the horn. Three year old fell backward off the console, all I could see were the bottoms of her upturned purple tennies and a muffled "I'm okay!" The rain was pattering on our roof as we read Harold and the Purple Crayon. I love the sound of rain when I'm inside....ahh....but then we had to venture outside. I must have been saying "OOOhhh! Ooooohh!" because the baby started copying me--OOO OOOO-- with his lips in the cutest little chubby circle shape. We were soaked but they didn't seem to mind.

Had a nap snuggled up with baby while older girls watched a string of Little Bear and more, rain tapping on our roof. We needed the rest! Baby still getting over ear infection and mom tired from a super busy week, still adjusting to getting up early and exercising.

Busy Times

We have had a busy week!

Some highlights: rocking my sleeping baby, his head on my chest, as he relaxed for the first time in a while. Listening to my six year old sing in her sweet off key voice, as I turned on a kids CD in the car instead of my usual mom-stuff. Lots of assorted loving cards and gifts from my cuties for mother's day-- my 10 year old son made me a bracelet out of paper clips and rubber bands. I love it. So thankful for the little moments.

To Beg, Borrow, and Steal (Time)

I've learned in the last two weeks that certain days are my melt-down days.  These are usually the days I have the most scheduled (of course I've also noticed melt down days are when I wait too long to make dinner, stay up too late the night before, or put my kiddos to bed too late).  So I brainstormed a few ideas for quality time on days that I'm more harried.  Of course, I have to be careful; there is always more do clean in my house than I can ever clean in one day, more to organize, more to do than I can ever get done.  I can't wait until things are "done" to spend time with the kids because things are never done.  These are just ideas for days with unforeseen events or other meltdown igniters.

Ways to squeeze in quality time on a busy day:

1.  Have children help make dinner. 

Yesterday I decided to turn our pile of over-ripe oranges into orange juice.  My six year old (Maia) asked if she could help.  I had a moment's hesitation-- my procrastinating self again!  Ideally I want to let my children help but I don't want to clean up the mess.  I let her help, and you know what, she was thrilled, and she only took a quick turn at juicing and she'd had enough.  We all enjoyed the fruits of our labors. :)

2.  Listen to a children's audio book in the car or while folding clothes.  Here are some I like: http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/433399-corinne

3.  Make the most of a moment I have in the normal course of a day, like a walk to school, to learn about my child's interests, fears, or concerns or to look around at things we don't normally pay attention to.  Had one of these yesterday-- I noticed how gorgeous and fluffy white the clouds were!  We spent five minutes watching the clouds swirl and puffing and tried to find shapes in the clouds.  As simple as this seems, I'd never done this with my littlest ones, and I can't remember the last time I really looked at the clouds.

4.  Eat meals together.  In our family the books are more of a temptation than the TV...have to get everyone to shut their books so we can talk! 

5.  Take my child with me, if possible.  I play the organ at church and used to take one child with me each Sunday a little early in order to practice but it was fun bonding time being together, even though we couldn't interact the whole time.  (and my kids loved it; always fought over who came)

6.  Let them help me shop, and instead of focusing on the destination, find something fun to help us enjoy the moment.  (teach them about prices, let them help find something, race down the aisles when no one is watching)

7.  Make the most of wait times-- in the car, grocery store check out lines, at the soccer game-- to connect with my child.

Last night at dinner, someone started the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" game.  Everyone chose something fairly predictable, until it got to my three year-old, who said "I want to be a horse!"  We laughed and laughed.

QT Thanks to a QT

Quality time yesterday thanks to husband: flying kites and peach shakes.  I think they were his best peach shakes yet.

Little Blessings

Up late (little girl watches We Bought a Zoo with us....she had a late nap), not much room in the bed last night :), but when I woke up they looked like angels.

Oreos For Breakfast

This week started out stressful but got better; I'm seeing positive changes in the kids and in myself since I started my project two weeks ago.

Thought I'd report on the collateral items I've been working on that affect my parenting; the first one I'm calling the Facebook antidote (symbolic of overuse of technology to connect with others):

1.  Get outside (been taking short walks, i.e. the bus stop... this has been good for the kids too)
2.  Interact with  more people face to face  (saw 5 neighbors on short walk with Tinkerbell; more quality time with kids & husband is increasing all of our bonded-ness)
3.  Spend quality alone time (sitting at my kitchen table one day, discovered the great view)

Trying to improve my energy levels by getting up early and exercising; mostly successful this week, even fit into some cute pants, though the button kept popping open every time I bent over (which I discovered is a lot).




Also working on relationship with spouse by getting out more often (something we're really bad at): went out last night with friends for a quick dinner and walk.   Super yummy berry salad, great conversation, walking as a flashlight-beam moon rose over mountains.  Kids were excited to see us when we got home and I was glad to see them!  It was just what we needed.  Missed our normal Friday night movie night with the kids, which made me sad-- maybe we can go out on a different day (even a week day) next time.

Kids to bed earlier-- another goal -- this one was mixed.  Some nights are hard with homework, stories, or activities that push too close to bedtime.  But even the nights we did get them to bed early helped (probably about half the nights).

What do you modify in your life to give you more energy for what is most important to you?

A good character is the best tombstone.  Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when the forget-me-nots have withered.  Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.

-- Charles H. Spurgeon

Tinkerbell the Good Fairy

I had a friend in need of some help so we canvassed a neighborhood for her.  This was our quality time today.  We walked by some horses I used to take this little girl to see when she was only six months old.  I can't believe how quickly she's changed!  I'm glad I'm trying to make the most of our time together.

She loved putting the fliers on people's doors; her princess cape would float behind her (it also got caught in the stroller wheel a few times; reminded me of the demise of super heroes with capes in The Incredibles).  It was a gorgeous crisp golden sunshine spring morning...couldn't help but love my new resolution to be outside (so glad we walked instead of drove!  We would have missed out on so much!)-- got a little sentimental watching my little princess; tried to memorize the moment.

I hope we can do things like this for quality time periodically to help her develop empathy and get in the habit of helping others!

“We grow up and look down, we grow old and look back.
Oh but what is was to be a child, to be a child! To have
the roads and the days all stretching out forward and upward and away,
not one of them yet missed or wasted or repented.
Everything in the world a newness and a novelty,
as it once was to the first beings of all creation.”

--Gary Jennings