It was six am, and I was in the rocking chair, holding my soft baby and rocking click-shh, click-shhh. He'd been awake for two hours. I enjoyed his little elbow dimples, his soft, creamy skin, chubby cheeks, wispy hair, and his squishy curled-up body next to mine, his head on my chest, as I watched some cotton-ball clouds turn from white to pink to yellow as the day brightened. While I was sitting there, I thought about the times when I'm positive about babies, even in the hard moments, and what it is that helps me be positive while I am the mother to one (I have definitely had moments that aren't so positive, trust me). Here are some things that have helped me be positive when I've had a baby:
1) Keep expectations low about how much I can do, and how quickly. (part of the point of this project is to remind myself that I'll have 50 years to do things I want to do, but now is the season my kiddos need me)
2) Spend time together every day, even if its just a little. Rolling a ball to chubby hands, looking at a bug, singing, pointing out the moon-- these are the times to remember, not the times I spent cleaning my refrigerator. And these are the times that bond us to each other.
3) Try to look at night time wakings as an opportunity to bond with the baby.
4) Be patient with my body. It took nine months to have my baby, I need to give myself at least that much time for it to become more normal (I think 18 months is more like it, for me). Try to look at my body as the miracle it is-- that it went through the amazing feat of growing and nurturing and giving birth to one of my new favorite people in the world, instead of seeing the saggy baggy elephant. :) (my body does eventually come back, sometimes even better than before, even though there are times when it feels like it never will)
5) Talk positive to feel positive. :)
6) Expect the unexpected-- try to laugh about blow-outs on the subway and sleepless nights and ear infections and messes, even if I have to laugh about them later. Much later.
7) Focus on development-- when I emphasize wanting to help him/her learn and grow, many experiences become a joy rather than an inconvenience.
I learned a lot from my own mother, who was a preschool teacher, about this. My mom was always emphasizing the importance of curiosity and tactile experiences in order for babies, toddlers, and children to learn. My mother let her babies touch their food (within reason), play with the pots/pans/Tupperware, and have water time in the bath and the backyard. My dad was good, too, and to this day, if a baby is getting into something, he'll say he "just needs input!" I'm trying to remember it now with my own baby. Look how pleased he is with himself for climbing on this chair:
8) In light of the last fact, don't try to beat 'em, join 'em (by providing the experiences they crave in a safe environment).
At the moment, Emerson wants to climb on everything, and empty everything, and touch everything; these are actually developmental cues that indicate he just needs more opportunities for these things. Today I gave him containers and some dry spaghetti, and he had a blast taking it out of one container and putting it in another. It was actually a really easy mess to clean up. I have also let the kiddos do this outside with rice, water, and cups that they can pour to their heart's content.
Emerson has been climbing on the table, so instead I let him climb in these tubs I got for laundry (got them cheap at our local grocery store of all places):
He wanted to grab the wrapping paper when Isa was wrapping a present, so we gave him some of his own and he had a blast crawling across it and walking across it-- I think he loved the texture and the crinkly sound it made.
I'm loving the warm weather and the opportunities it has provided to play and explore and climb outside, where messes aren't such an issue. Yesterday I put out the pool, and he promptly went somewhere else to climb (second picture below): it was actually quite cute. I just washed him off with the hose when he was done. Its just good for me to remember, especially in this super busy time, that he isn't being naughty, he's just learning. Maybe when I'm most frustrated is when I most need to give the kind of opportunities for him to do these things.
9) Streamline routine activities-- for me, this means I only buy wrinkle-free clothes right now. Then there is more time for baby. I can iron later, but I can't go back and snuggle him or read one more story.
10) Don't let have-to's get you down. In Good Families Don't Just Happen, Garcia-Prats parents of ten boys explain that they just accept things like 6 loads of laundry per day as part of life.
11) Don't wish it away. A new phase will come soon enough, and something special will go with it and a new challenge will arise in its place. Just enjoy the phase I'm in.
12) It's so short. Enjoy it.
Babyhood is so short. We were preparing for a yard sale yesterday, going through our toys and books and trying to find things to sell. I made the mistake of going to Emerson's room. I opened his closet and immediately found each item was so attached to memories of each of our five babies that I was suddenly so emotional that I could hardly contain it. Having them has been the best adventure of my life so far.
Sitting in his room today, surrounded by picture books and diapers and pastel bears and tiny footprints stamped on a birth certificate, I wanted to memorize this moment: Emerson snuggled on my chest, the evidence of the innocence of childhood all around me. When we turn around, it will be gone. I hope that the little sacrifices I make for him now will give him the best start in life possible. That's why I want to make the most of these little moments, for his next 50 years and forever.
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