Are You the Parent of a Goalie or a Forward?

Okay, this is really random today.  We have had a very adventuresome week and lots of great photos to share for next, but today I need a small nap!  So I'm saving the photos for next week (or maybe tomorrow, we'll see!).

I'm not sure why, but a couple of my posts about speaking positively to kids seem to get the most traffic around here.  I find it to be really encouraging that parents out there are trying to find ways to speak more positively to their kids!  So, this is really random for today, but I had something along those lines I wanted to share.

My son has been playing goalie for his soccer team this season.  Let me tell you, I think he does a fantastic job, especially considering he hasn't ever had any formal goalie training.  And maybe it is a blessing or a curse, but his team has lost nearly every game they've played, and, before he started playing goalie full time, they lost by a lot (I told myself I didn't care about winning, until this very deflating experience-- I have a new perspective on mercy rules).  I think the positive in here is that if your team isn't that good, at least the goalie is getting lots of action and practice!   Just think how boring it would be being keeper for a really good team.  I have also been touched by the amount of support the boys on our team get.  We have a huge cheering section, even in bad weather, and I have been touched by all the parents who come out to watch their sons get creamed.

As you know, I used to play soccer too, only I played on the opposite end of the field, as a forward.

Here is the thing: as a goalie, no matter how well you do, you can never do better than "0."  You could be the best goalie in the world, and yet, your best efforts can only keep you at that 0 mark.  More than likely, you aren't perfect, so each mistake is a strike against you and your team.  A forward, in contrast, has nothing to lose (this analogy is a little loose, just stick with me).  Each goal she scores is one above 0, hence the glory of the forward.  Contrast how often you see people jumping up and down hugging a goalie or performing crazy antics after a save, as opposed to how forwards are treated after a goal.

I'm not articulating this very well.  So forwards get a lot of positive praise, because each goal they score is a bonus, while playing goalie is sort of a losing endeavor because you get in trouble if you slip up, as each goal scored on you is a strike against you, so to speak.

The same is true of grades in school, in a way.  I used to think it was crazy that 80% was such a low score, because, in my book, it was 80 points more than 0!  And yet that 80% is looked at by teachers more as a subtraction from 100, not an addition over 0.

This made me realize-- how do I treat my kids?  Do I hold them to that 100% mark, and anything they do less than perfect is reprimanded?  Or do I look at each thing they do well, or good, and see that as a number greater than 0?  Do I treat them as a goalie or a forward?

I have always responded so much better to positive praise than I have to criticism, reprimands, or punishments.  I imagine most kids are the same way?  So often it seems so easy to ignore the good behavior, and just focus on the behavior that is out of line.  It seems worthwhile to me to understand which approach I'm taking, and to make sure I stay positive, helping my child feel safe making mistakes, and feel validated, cheered for, and reinforced for all the good things he or she is doing.  The response in a child to positive reinforcement can be absolutely life changing for both parent and child.  (and especially those with ADD, update coming soon)

Clear as mud.

Positive Words

One thing I have learned ever since I worked on speaking positively to my kiddos is that positivity begets positivity.

I performed the simple act of putting a little note in each child's lunch, which caused a little waterfall of notes to cascade through the family over the next week.  One child wrote a very sweet note to every single person in the family and put it on each persons pillow.  I don't know if you can read them in this photo, but they were very sweet.  A la, you are the "best brother in the universe," etc.

Makes me wonder if the reverse is true....What do you think?

P.S. In case you suspect foul play, I did photoshop out names. :)

Sending Yourself Positive Messages

Sorry...this isn't what I had planned for today!  I don't have a well-filler for this month, at least nothing tangible.  Instead, I've been thinking a lot about what a positive mental attitude does and why it is important.  Enjoy!  Have anything that helps you pump yourself up when you are feeling down?

Sending your kiddos positive messages is probably way up there on your list.  But what about yourself? 

Here are a few positive messages to brighten your day. 



Enjoy these quotes I found on Pinterest.

Source: deseretbook.com via Corinne on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Corinne on Pinterest

This is a good reminder.  Believe in yourself, but realize no one can have it all-- you have to choose.

Source: blog.modcloth.com via Corinne on Pinterest

I love this!  I'd rather teach my kids to try and fail than not to try all.

Source: instagram.heroku.com via Corinne on Pinterest

"Be yourself" was something that resonated with me from Rubin's The Happiness Project. 



I heard this on the radio one day and I thought it was a good message that with God's help, we can be "Strong Enough."

Little Things on a Saturday Morning

Woke up, my hard working husband gone, a cute little baby nestled up to me.  It was as if I forgot in the night I have a baby, and when I woke up it was such a pleasant surprise.

Later he discovered his belly button and mine too.

I discovered that if I blow in his face, his wispy brown hair flutters, he wrinkles his nose and squints his eyes and tips his face back in the cutest smile that shows his gums punctuated by a few little pearly white teeth.

Made a list of positive things about my kids, so I'm armed for some positive talk; I almost cried when my sweet little three year old beamed at the words we wrote about her-- sweet, forgiving, smart.  How have I never noticed how forgiving she is until just now?

Went for a run -- morning was beautiful and fragrant and air humming with insects.  White moths fluttering among bending willow branches.  Busy cyclists in bright pink and orange, a fair announcer echoing, parents holding toddlers on a yellow mini-train. 

On the way back, I looked across a large pasture toward the mountains and thought of all the different runs I've been on in different parts of the world.  For me they have come to symbolize what is great about the life I live right now.  When we lived in England, my son and I had a little "forest" we'd traverse, where we'd look at bugs, he'd stand on protruding roots and say "yah!" and I'd watch the sunlight filter through those beautiful English trees.  I thought life didn't get any better, and I worried that when our time there came to an end, I would leave that behind forever.  Yet in every place we've lived we've found a new walk we love, coming to symbolize that there is something good about each time of life we're in, we just need to find it and appreciate it and soak it in.

Today my baby would crane his neck backward and cheese a broad, grayish-brown-eyed smile through a slit between the bright blue stroller canopy and the stroller itself.  His little legs ended in chubby pointing-out toes, too small to bend with the stroller seat.  I looked out over the pasture, patches of tall red, brown, and green grasses, two horses, a rickety rust train taking its time down the tracks; the mountains, velvet with spring green, pines in tall herds running imperceptibly down the mountain, a rook-shaped piece of snow melting in the peak, and giraffe-spot dapples of shade and light from billowy white clouds. 

I may be working toward a destination but the best part is looking around at what I have right now.  :)

Cup Half Full and a Maserati

We went on a long road trip yesterday, winding between and over pine mountains in the waning light. We successfully completed a 60 second piano recital on our way to Grandpa's house. Stopped for food with 2 hours to go. Hubby got some waters with our order; probably because he asked for no less than seven waters :) (we're used to it, but its still embarrassing to ask sometimes), they gave them to us in little tiny ice cream sundae cups. I was wondering how it was going to go with everyone having about two sips of water on the long drive. :)

Gearing up to talk positively to and about the kids :), I thought I could start with the water. So, instead of grumbling about the size of the waters (I understand, after all...that is a lot of waters), I opened our dusty van door and said "look how lucky we are! We get to drink out of these cute tiny cups!" The kids acted really excited. I tossed some crinkly wrapped burgers around like an underhanded basketball while I overheard them saying "When I'm done, I'm saving my cup. I want to keep it!"

Hubby anxious to pass slow slow trailer after 20 mins, gassed it so hard when his time came and then he just kept on going. It felt fast? Felt like he suddenly thought our minivan was a Maserati. I looked warily at the speedometer and he was only going 50-- five over the speed limit. Even the kids started asking "why is Dad going so fast?" After that, he slowed down and we laughed. Today my six year old said "Dad, go 50!" Now that is what she thinks of as fast.

Winding through more canyons, hub-bub of chatter in the car, we spotted a moose and her calf knee deep in a stream, lots of deer, and, at the top of a mountain, a crystal sky-blue lake. I had my feet up on the dashboard, enjoying my new fuchsia colored toenails and (am I dreaming it?) thinner legs (morning exercising paying off, got a long way to go still). Marks on dashboard reminded me how thankful I am for my pain-free legs (story here). Lots of bad jokes about deer, but I was happy to hear the kids laughing-- "oh dear, I missed the deer." Later I sat in back with the girls for a sleepy chat to Grandpa's house.  Dusk settled as we raced the night train, just a sleepy little family and some sagebrush.