Crazy Funny Girl

This little girl cracks me up.  She really keeps life interesting.  I either feel like giving her a bear hug or strangling her, and it varies from one minute to the next.  She is like a little loaded spring, full of energy.  On this day it was her idea to put on the goggles (which she did herself, as you can see).  The light was so beautiful and she was so cute that I ran and grabbed my camera, sure that I'd probably already missed the moment.

Here are some funny things she has said lately:

1)  In a hot car: "It's sweatin' hot in here!"
2)  Eye level with a watermelon in the store, her chin resting dreamily on her arms: "It feels like I'm in love."
3)  "Mom, can we buy that smell?"  (upon entering the grocery store, she meant for me to buy whatever was making that smell)

Even though she is going through a fairly severe separation anxiety stage and tries to sneak sugary goods from the pantry all day, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

 Preparing to take the plunge.

 We recently made a trip to Southern Utah-- it was gorgeous.  I think we got there right before the real summer heatwave.  I have more photos to share another day, here are just a few.

My husband told everyone to "pretend that you're hot and tired!"  After which Ava said, dumbfounded, "why would I want to pretend that?"  "I AM hot and tired!"  Now that I see this photo it is even more funny.

One more funny thing, just for good measure: the little boy, who is still nursing, exhaled a happy sigh afterward nursing one day and told me "that's a good drink!"  Lol. :)

Happy Monday!

P.S.  One thing I'm working on this month is patience.  Normally,  patience is not something I struggle with.  But I've had a hard time with it the last couple of months, especially as the strain of my anxious little girl has frayed my nerves and put extra pressure on me at most waking minutes of my day (not only does she panic over any type of physical separation, even as small as my going to the grocery store, but she wants me to be with her wherever she is in the house, including bathroom trips and small incidental times like that....sometimes she follows me around so closely that she bumps into me if I stop).  I know she'll grow out of it, I just need to be patient!  I'm trying to pause a little and take, if nothing else, a mental deep breath.  Update: 12/31/13: the separation anxiety phase didn't last much longer after I posted this, both of us going back to our more normal selves.

Moving On

This boy just graduated from elementary school!  I am so proud of him.  I couldn't ask for a nicer kid.  He has been such a joy.

When we dropped him off at kindergarten for the first time, I surprised myself by bursting into tears.  A seasoned mom standing close by looked at me like I was crazy.  I thought maybe I was, as I wiped my wet cheeks and tried to pull myself together.  I thought I'd probably get over it some day too, and stand there like the rock she was.  But the first couple of years were still a little rough.  Every time I dropped him off, my heart would do a little number.  (it seems like forever before your little ones go to school, but once they get there, you think where did the time go?  Then it just goes faster and faster)  I had a good cry when I sent him off to first grade, too.  The last few years, though, have been a blur.  I got into a routine and sending him off to school was just part of it (unfortunately, my last parting words, to help him make it to the bus, are "RUN!" and then a "love you!").  And honestly, even though this is the end of an era, I am so proud of who he is becoming (he was always wonderful!  it is fun to see how he is progressing).  His teacher has said he has been such a joy for her to teach that she would just love to take him home with her (so thankful for good teachers! and she is just awesome).  On this day we got to sit on the grass slurping watermelon and crunching conversation between our chips at the 6th grade grad luncheon-- laughing about how some kids in his grade anonymously invited the local cop (she is young and blonde after all) to get a "couples pass" to the local trampoline park, or one who posted a tiny note with a ring drawn on it and two boxes marked "yes" or "no."  

So thankful for him, even though I'll always miss my little boy, I wouldn't trade who he is today for anything!   Such a privilege to watch him grow.

Memories.  Ah.

Had a little mishap with a jutting rock on our school clothes shopping trip a couple of days before the start of school.  My hubby teased him, calling him "geyser" for a while because he was looking back to see if a fountain was going to spout water when he ran into the rock.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy: Generational Edition

 Do you ever compare yourself with some mythic ancestor, whom you imagine scrubbing floors on hands and knees while making jam and nursing a baby at the same time?  Ok, not that particular combination, but do you ever compare yourself to women of the past?  Wonder how they managed to cook, clean, scrub the whole family's laundry by hand on some knobbly washboard?  Do you picture them doing it in a beautiful home sewn dress that perfectly accentuates a trim popsicle waist?  With bright red lipstick and perfectly curled hair and a sweet expression on face and issuing from her lips toward her angel children?  Maybe I'm crazy, but sometimes I do.  When we are having pizza, again.  When I'm in my pj's at noon.  When

I beat myself up a bit then.  I compare myself and I see myself waaaaaay short of that ideal.  And then I label myself with unkind words like lazy, inefficient, incompetent, poor disciplinarian, .  Maybe not outright, but under there, that is what I'm thinking.

One thing that doesn't contribute to my worthless feelings at this point is that I had ancestors who were Mayflower emigrants and others who were Mormon pioneers.  So not only are they so beautiful and fabulous and perfect, they were tough.  Doing it all in the desert with a million children and no air conditioning. 

So, the first question is....is it really true?  Did women in the past "do it all?"  The short answer is: no.  Absolutely not!

When I'm having a particularly "what-did-I-just-do-today" sort of day, I try to brainstorm ways that this generation, this particular one, has it harder than the ones that have passed.

1.  No internet.

2.  No devices.

3.  Papers.  Darn papers.

4.  Boxes, bags, packaging, oh my.

5.  Floods of cheap toys, stickers,

6.  Shuttling/taxi driving.

7.  Far away family. (husband helps)

8.  Larger homes.

9.  More comfortable way of life, more fun-centric, entitled rising generation.

10.  Junk mail.

11.  Modern news. (afraid of all that can happen)

12.  Empty neighborhoods and inside kids.  (if there is no one else playing outside, or riding his/her bike to "x"  Less cooperation and watching out for each other.

13.  Danger of cars.

Pros:  modern medicine (yet, advent of well-check and preventative screenings), time saving devices (yet we tend to still clean as much, we just buy more and clean more things in total, so its not always a time saver),

Zoo Day

We had an impromptu zoo day last week.  It was so great.  It has been so nice to be able to get outside and enjoy the beautiful weather together!  It threatened rain on the day we went to the zoo, which ended up being perfect.  The animals were really active, the weather was cool, and it didn't end up raining after all!

 Made out of Legos.  Amazing.

An impromptu dance exhibition.  Those socks!  I told her to wear socks since her shoes had given her blisters the day before.  Funny I didn't truly notice the socks she chose until I was editing these photos!  Oh yes, and she is pioneering the backward shirt.

 Little E. is practicing his photo bombing already.

 Puddle: found.  (later he found a complete huge mud puddle and was splashing all around in it while I was occupied with sister.  I was so glad he had his little rain boots on!  It ended up being no big deal.)

 I love watching my little ones "discover" something for the first time!

 Little boy was calling everything "a rabbit!" lol.

 More Legos.

An after-zoo mini date indulgence with the little ones, in a restaurant at which I broke up with a boyfriend in college.

(For some reason this little girl was camera shy on our zoo day, and that is why the best photos here are spontaneous and blurry!)

Happy Wednesday!

Almost forgot:  for this months goals, I'm going to try letting you know as the month progresses, what the goals are.  We'll see how it goes and what to do for next month.

A Walk

 Nothing like some good puddle time on a closed road.

A girl and her feather shall never be parted.

End of the Month Round-up

I'm sort of embarrassed to be coming here, again, to say...um, fail.  All of this month's goals went out the window.  Though we did do maintenance from other months, so I guess that is good.

I didn't intend to do so, but I spent this month reading a lot in an attempt to better understand my brain and my kids' brains. My husband would be like, you are reading another one (I think, ahem, seven books?  can you say, still nursing?  can't let go?)?  I've learned so much about the hows and whys of ADD life, including adjusted schedules and routines to fit our own circumstance.  For example, I've learned how important routines are (ha, funny), how important exercise is, and how important it is to structure one's environment to give reminders (now I know why I have become a religious user of the timer in the kitchen!  could not survive without it, even if I have to put something in for two more minutes I always set it for that or else I forget and burn something!), how important it is to tack one task on to another, how important socialization is, how important it is to unlock the hidden potential and talents within ADD, and how (so obvious to me now!) important it is to be careful not to overdo it (poor concept of time and the like).   I have gained a whole bunch of insight into myself and how I function, and have started accepting that I will just plain never be good at some things.  I've already adjusted some other tasks and expectations-- all it took was a little encouragement to see just how miserable I was at "x" .  And hyperfocus?  I'm thinking that I need to structure my day to take advantage of hyperfocus, and accept how difficult it is for me to switch gears.  So if I can give myself bigger chunks of time to do something, rather than a bunch of little ones that alternate (here is one example:  I have read many times that someone with our family size should do laundry every day, but this just does not work for me.  I think I'd rather have a mountain twice a week, than a string of clean/dirty laundry that never ends!)

I will do a post about the books I read soon, I don't know why I never read a book on the subject sooner!  I've still had my ups and downs as I've alternated between a sense of relief (I finally know why I struggle with some things!), validation (there are many other people out there who have been through it to!), and, lets just admit it, sadness, as I mourn for what I've lost and mourn a bit for my kids who will have some struggles to face up to yet.  Finally, peace, as I have realized that ADD presents a whole new range of opportunities and possibilities, just waiting to be unlocked, as I finally accept the things I can't do alone, as well as accepting the gifts that come with it too.  Here is to a fresh start!

We have been enjoying the outdoors this week!  It has been a really beautiful, cool, leave-your-windows-open-at-night-and-snuggle-up-under-the-covers (and rush around shutting them when the rain rolls in!) kind of week.  The little ones and I have had some adventures.  I love that they are still little and with me during the day.  And I am so excited for school to get out!  To have everyone all to myself, less schedules, and some warm weather to enjoy.  Have a marvelous weekend, dear ones!

Are You the Parent of a Goalie or a Forward?

Okay, this is really random today.  We have had a very adventuresome week and lots of great photos to share for next, but today I need a small nap!  So I'm saving the photos for next week (or maybe tomorrow, we'll see!).

I'm not sure why, but a couple of my posts about speaking positively to kids seem to get the most traffic around here.  I find it to be really encouraging that parents out there are trying to find ways to speak more positively to their kids!  So, this is really random for today, but I had something along those lines I wanted to share.

My son has been playing goalie for his soccer team this season.  Let me tell you, I think he does a fantastic job, especially considering he hasn't ever had any formal goalie training.  And maybe it is a blessing or a curse, but his team has lost nearly every game they've played, and, before he started playing goalie full time, they lost by a lot (I told myself I didn't care about winning, until this very deflating experience-- I have a new perspective on mercy rules).  I think the positive in here is that if your team isn't that good, at least the goalie is getting lots of action and practice!   Just think how boring it would be being keeper for a really good team.  I have also been touched by the amount of support the boys on our team get.  We have a huge cheering section, even in bad weather, and I have been touched by all the parents who come out to watch their sons get creamed.

As you know, I used to play soccer too, only I played on the opposite end of the field, as a forward.

Here is the thing: as a goalie, no matter how well you do, you can never do better than "0."  You could be the best goalie in the world, and yet, your best efforts can only keep you at that 0 mark.  More than likely, you aren't perfect, so each mistake is a strike against you and your team.  A forward, in contrast, has nothing to lose (this analogy is a little loose, just stick with me).  Each goal she scores is one above 0, hence the glory of the forward.  Contrast how often you see people jumping up and down hugging a goalie or performing crazy antics after a save, as opposed to how forwards are treated after a goal.

I'm not articulating this very well.  So forwards get a lot of positive praise, because each goal they score is a bonus, while playing goalie is sort of a losing endeavor because you get in trouble if you slip up, as each goal scored on you is a strike against you, so to speak.

The same is true of grades in school, in a way.  I used to think it was crazy that 80% was such a low score, because, in my book, it was 80 points more than 0!  And yet that 80% is looked at by teachers more as a subtraction from 100, not an addition over 0.

This made me realize-- how do I treat my kids?  Do I hold them to that 100% mark, and anything they do less than perfect is reprimanded?  Or do I look at each thing they do well, or good, and see that as a number greater than 0?  Do I treat them as a goalie or a forward?

I have always responded so much better to positive praise than I have to criticism, reprimands, or punishments.  I imagine most kids are the same way?  So often it seems so easy to ignore the good behavior, and just focus on the behavior that is out of line.  It seems worthwhile to me to understand which approach I'm taking, and to make sure I stay positive, helping my child feel safe making mistakes, and feel validated, cheered for, and reinforced for all the good things he or she is doing.  The response in a child to positive reinforcement can be absolutely life changing for both parent and child.  (and especially those with ADD, update coming soon)

Clear as mud.