I had the opportunity at the end of summer to get a little one-on-one with the kids. Even though I had other things I could have done with the time (and I was tempted at times, believe me), I was so glad I spent this time with them.
One child it seems I haven't had enough one-on-one with is my nine year-old. Lets just say we had a chance to be alone for a day, and it took some willpower for me to make it work because we're always being tugged so many directions.
I enjoyed my time with her so much, though part of our date was working together. We went to a bridal shower with baby in tow, she helped me clean quite a bit in the morning, when all the little fingers and needs were out of the house (except baby)-- but we did manage to squeeze in a partial movie, a sleepover, some talks, a long drive, and a shake date. We had a great time together. It really bonded us and gave us a chance to get re-acquainted. She still seems to be walking around with a little gleam in her eye and seems happier, even two weeks later.
(We tried to "rendezvous" with some family at the Rendezvous, which didn't happen, but we got to walk around and had a great time together!)
In conjunction with that, I sat down this Sunday and took my kids one by one to have a little interview. We talked about their talents, inspired by this. Then I asked them all their "favorites." This was a fun exercise. I was surprised that I mostly knew what their favorite things were-- before we sat down I thought I'd have some giant revelation into their personalities.
Independent of one another, they universally chose pizza as their favorite food. (though one child in particular expressed that she would not be sad if we had bacon and sausage at every meal) Oh boy. Ditto dessert-- fruit pies. Who knew? Swimming was a favorite activity. So was playing with friends. I learned to qualify their favorite thing about school-- it couldn't be recess or lunch. :)
(After all this, I had enough blueberries to make a pie, so I did! Ahh....also realized why I don't make them often, because they are a ton of work and I eat all the trimmings!)
It was so fun sitting with each child on the couch and listening to them tell me about themselves.
When I asked what their favorite act of service Mom or Dad performs for them, I tried to give a wide array of choices with no give-aways in my voice or mannerisms. I was surprised that each one, separated from the others, preferred spending time with me to any act of service I perform for them (I asked if they would like me to sew something as one of the choices-- so glad they didn't choose that one! I'm a really bad seamstress). That made me feel good, because that is my favorite service activity of choice, too. :)
I realized that I do more than I think I do when it comes to acts of service and what their individual preferences are. I think my main focus right now, aside from a few specifics I'll outline soon, is just to make ordinary tasks more loving and meaningful, which I've been trying to do. Also, I'm seeing that acts of service are one part doing something they like just for them and another part doing for them what we know they need or will need because of the perspective we have. (So many of my kids favorite things were just things they have been exposed to, which I think means I need to expose them to more!)
Is there something that you have learned about your child that has surprised you? Do you ever wish you could go forward to their future adult self and ask some of these same questions?
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