A Little Drama

So sorry, I was going to post goals today but I literally was up all night in the ER, minus a couple few minute snatches of head-against-the-wall sleep.

For an account of yesterday's happenings, read what my oldest daughter wrote on her (private) blog:

"Yesterday my little sister woke up and her leg started hurting. She could limp around a bit, but by midday all she did was lay in bed. We got her downstairs on the couch, and whenever someone would touch her toes up to her hip [anywhere on her leg] she would scream. Soon she would scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream no matter what. My mom took her to the hospital. I didn't go to sleep till 11:00 and woke up at 1:30. I couldn't sleep for 40 minutes. Then, my youngest brother woke me up. after that I literally slept 30 minutes. My dad told me she had septic hip or something like that, and she went through surgery this morning.

A few questions she kept asking [after anesthesia]:

Why do you have two heads?

Why does the doctor have two heads?

Was that a dream?

Was it this bad when Isa broke her leg?

She is supposed to be in the hospital for two days and I am not allowed to see her (!!!!!!!!)."

Scary night!  She had what I thought was a leg ache yesterday, but got so bad she couldn't walk or stop crying.   It's been a little nerve wracking, but she is doing well now.  More later. 

Month 9 Round-Up

So sorry, I had something fun planned for today but I cannot get it to work!  Darn, something to look forward to for another day.

So I'll just give you an old boring round-up for this month instead.  This month I worked on being a better disciplinarian.  It was kind of a joke (again you say?  I know I know).

I did make a list of all the discipline scenarios I see most days.  This was much easier than I thought.  All I had to do was set out a pen and paper for an afternoon and record the different challenges I faced as I went about my usual business.  I discovered that they are the same set of challenges I face pretty much every day!  Here is the list: turning on the TV before chores are done, doing something after being specifically told not to :), not getting off comptuer/TV when time is up, whining, not coming to dinner when I call (after, like 4 times!), eating foods intended for special occasions, poor manners, taking food out of the kitchen, not cleaning up after self, not getting chores done, reading after bed time, getting out of bed (sometimes quite a few times!), fighting over a toy or seat at the dinner table, screaming, hitting (little cute new tantrummer, I'm looking at you!), and ignoring basic personal hygiene.

I also made a rule list (only I'm not going to admit how late in the month I did it!).  Here it is, open to improvisation or improvement (I wanted it to be fairly simple, so even little kids can understand, and easily distilled into a few overarching principles, marked in bold...I also tried to frame things positively, though the very first rule isn't framed that way, just couldn't resist the Cars reference):

Here is a small sample of the list:

Respect  

For others and possessions.

No bitin’, no hittin’, no scratchin’, no takin’ toys, no spittin’, no screamin'.

Eat and keep food at the dinner table, please.  When you are finished, clear your things and a few more.

Show respect to others by using please, thank you, excuse me, and polite table manners.

Respect others, their homes, rules and possessions, too.

So, here is the sort of fail part.  I have learned how helplessly hopelessly I need to work on this.  Just being aware did not help in this case.  It made it worse, because seeing how badly we need a little discipline around here made me less patient.  So I tried to turn on the more authoritative me, and I stink at it.  I don't know how to do authoritative without being grouchy.  Or follow through more and be empathetic and loving about it.  The one exception is the tip I got from The Five Love Languages of Children-- to express love in some form when disciplining the child, ie, giving a hug on the way to a time-out, or saying "I love you."  That has become relatively easy for me, even when I'm angry, but I've been working on that for over a year now (I just don't put them in time out nearly enough, giving lots of chances in an increasingly distressed Mom voice).

So my month on trying to do better (and I know I'm just getting started, as the rules are just now being solidified) actually culminated, last night, in an ugly cross-the-line losin' it on my part in a dark, slushy Wal-Mart parking lot.  Yes, I lost it.  So lets just say this is something I will probably be working on until the day I die.

Happy happy weekend everyone!

You're My Little Koochey-Face and Other Awkward Endearments

Thanks for the comments lately, everyone!  You must have felt my ESP from far away, I was just feeling a little in need of some encouragement!  So thanks!

Before I had kids, I remember going out to eat with a mother and her two very active under-3's.  They were super cute and rambunctious and kept that woman hopping (and anyone else who was around)!  I remember formulating a few ideas about what I would or wouldn't do as a mother when I was around this little family.  One thing in particular I swore I'd never do was to talk in a baby-ish voice or give my kid awkward squishy honey-coated names of endearment.  Like "honey boo boo."  ESPECIALLY when that child was being naughty.

Ok, for today's post I am offering up myself on the altar of comic relief, because, well, you'll see.  Just keep your horror to yourself.  Now if you indeed have never given a weird pet name to someone or something, then just smile and shake your head.  But we all know you probably have.

Here are a few in our house (blush, blush):

Some of my more innocuous terms of endearment include calling kids by shortened names given by toddler siblings (one daughter is "my-my" sometimes).   I use "sweetie" a lot.  Even when I'm mad, which I probably shouldn't.  Honey, hardly ever.  Cutie, a lot. I like to call my girls "my girl," and my boys "my boy."  My littlest, whose name is Emerson, gets shortened to "Emer," or even "Sonny," or "E-mer-Sonny."

I'm just breaking you in a little here before I deliver the bigger ones, like boiling a toad gradually.

My husband and I, as a joke, started calling each other "lover" when we were first married.  We have never called each other honey or sweetie, just "lover."  At one point, our oldest, when he was about 2, would call us "lover" at times. Ha.  He'd say "come on, lover, lets go to the motorway," for example. :)

One of the funniest ones, as pointed out by a relative, is that I have tended to periodically call my babies, "precious," or "my precious."  Doesn't that just conjure up this image?  In addition, I will sometimes call this baby my "lovey dovey," "feller," "bubba" (huh?) or "my handsome."

And, last of all, drum roll please.  This is not a term of endearment.  It is just extrememly embarrassing.  Ever since my eldest child, when referring to nursing, I did indeed call it "num num."  (Arg!  Hall of Shame!)  Each time I had another baby I figured it would be a perfect time to change the terminology so as to embarrass myself less.  Especially since I nursed my three girls until 20 months-ish, they could definitely make a scene in a quiet place like church, shouting for "num num!"  Yet, each time, I sort of came to the conclusion that no matter what we call it, as soon as someone realizes what the child is talking about, it will probably gross them out no matter what (especially since most people see that as soon as a child can "ask for it," it's time to quit).  I don't know.

So enjoy this little video I had my son shoot for me.  To document some of our little endearments.  I just love Emerson's little face.  He always has the cutest little pleased smile on his face.  I purposefully put on the clothes/make-up my sister gave me, just for this video, as I feel so Natalie-Wood-ish in them :), and E is wearing my son's clothes from when he was this age (aw!).  Weird or not, I was inspired by the article referenced just the other day (here)-- some day I will want a record of this little exchange, even if its a little awkward-sounding now (and watching/listening to myself makes me cringe!)!

A Morning with the Littles

We've been cooped up a lot lately, due to sub-freezing temps, bad air, and back-to-back-to-back storms.   I found myself feeling a little extra grumpy about this the other day.  Normally I don't mind having a reason to snuggle up inside (and I love not having to worry about weeds in the winter!  hallelujah!), but this has felt a bit much.  So, in an effort to fight off the ugly mood, we've been trying to make the best of it.

(A so-easy craft!  Just ripped up tin foil to act as icicles.  The ripping and gluing is such a toddler delight, right?)

Yesterday, a good old fashioned run-around-silly-with-little-one-on-your-back reminded me that I need to do more of this!  Mine just eat it right up!  If we hadn't been stuck inside I would have missed the baby suck-in-air-and-giggle like this was the best thing in the world; his little cushy body bouncing on my back and little arms wound around my neck. Or his sister's delighted directing pointer finger, which never seemed to tire. :)

 These first three pics from a different day, the rest are from today.

(I go back and forth with the dough eating! Rite of passage or listeria-gifter?  Arg, what torment!  Do I need to repent?)

Today we spent some time on the living room floor, reading stories, singing "Once There Was a Snowman," (once?  ha, ironic) and melting our little hearts out (an enthusiastic three times), read about kids in other countries, empathy, and cooking (huh?  how did we come up with that combo?).   I turned on some music via my phone, let it sugar-coat the air as we brown-sugar-dipped, let out the spastic, periodic Elvis moves, and scooped out chocolate chip-studded gooey-ness.  It was one of those moments that I knew would evaporate before I knew it, and I knew all I could do was to live in it and enjoy it.   I love little innocent songs and teachable faces and wiggliness and outright love-you-with-all-their-hearts (most of the time).

And the lyrics to this song, called the Garden Song (by Andy Mason, from his Everybody Likes Pizza album) made me think -this is what it's all about. :)

If you want the short version, here are my favorite lyrics:

"Inch by inch, row by row, please bless these seeds I sow.  Please keep them safe below till the rain comes tumblin' down."

(*I have a little preschool curriculum that I bought years ago when my oldest entered kindergarten, and I have used it sporadically.  It has been fun to have around.  (I have tried three different companies when doing preschool with friends, and Funshine Express is my favorite)  Even if I didn't have one, there are coloring pages and craft ideas online for free.  Its nice to have a little structure and some prompts once in a while.)

Life Lately

A clean house is always something to document around here.  The bi-annual event.  :)



So is a project completion.  (the pillow in back)




Movie night.

I find this girl asleep with her light on and a pile of books very often lately. :)


Friend time.


Holding hands with "Brave" under a wrapping paper/boot blanket (using my fragile Christmas present as a bed).


Big kids go back to school.

How its Going and a Random Resolution Report

Lately I've been thinking I need to give an update-- I just wanted to let you know what is working and what isn't, so no one out there has a false impression of what really goes on around here. :)  This will be a good refresher if you're new here, too.

At the end of April, when my last of five babies turned one, I realized how quickly time was going and that I wanted to make the most of what is left with my kids before its gone.  So, inspired by the book the Happiness Project, I set out to work on some different parenting resolutions every month and then carry those forward.

Overall, I've noticed that after the hyper-excitedness of the resolution month is over, the enthusiasm I had for certain things wanes a bit, mostly because regular life takes over and it's not in the forefront of my mind anymore.   So, for example, one month this summer we focused on healthy eating.  I said that we went 2 weeks with pretty much only vegetables for dinner (my husband loves to garden, so it made it much easier).  I don't want anyone to think we have kept up that standard since then!  While we are eating healthier overall than we were before, including sticking to my goal of home lunches for the kids for an entire year (wahoo!  I can't believe we've done it!  But this was a concrete, specific goal, too, and those are easier, right?), we still have some crappy days.  My husband went out of town last week and lets just say: junk fest.

So here are some successes and failures that come to mind right off the bat:

*  Got up early and exercised pretty consistently for 6 months, as per my first month's resolution (the idea was that taking care of myself helps me to be a better mother, which it definitely did!).  I lost 10 pounds.  Then I gained it back after I got injured and sick and haven't been able to exercise.  Drat.  But it's about to get better.

*  One month I worked on teaching my kids how to work.  This included updating their job charts with chores they need to be doing according to the book The Parenting Breakthrough, including being trained on a job before they officially have to perform it.  The persistent problem in this arena (remember my brilliant movie tickets?  Um, I used those for one week.  Ouch.) is that my kids are motivated by TV/computer time, which they are only allowed on weekends, or friend time, which is hard on school days, so they rarely complete their jobs on school days.  But my oldest two do clean bathrooms, which is totally awesome!  One other bonus from this month was that I am much more conscious of when I do too much for them, and I see it in the context of disabling/hurting self-esteem, so I am trying to do better.

*  Talking positively to and around the kids.  I wish I could say I am always glowing with positive words toward the kids.  I wish.  I struggle with the dual-- don't overpraise (which can be damaging too), or just forgetting to praise and getting caught in the whole thick-of-the-moment "put on your shoes-come to dinner- don't put food on the baby" mode.  But one positive is that I catch myself (not perfect!) when I'm about to say something negative about one of the kids in front of them now.

*  Quality time.  This is one area I have stuck with-- giving the kids at least 1 hour of quality time each day.  Occasionally it has been less than quality, but we've done it.  And sometimes I've played catch-up, doing extra time some days, but I try not to do this because it throws life out of whack.  Lots and lots of good things have come as a result of this resolution!  And it's my favorite.  I would like to do more, but was trying not to burn out, so we'll see for the future if I can add more time.

*  A different month I worked on doing "acts of service" (I got the idea for some of these through Chapman/Campbell's The Five Love Languages of Children) for the kids, including putting on a happier face when I am asked for a drink or the like at a really inconvenient time.  This was another favorite month, as I saw all the millions of ordinary tasks I do as a way of showing love, and not just a drain on my energy. :)  Some of that attitude has continued, but not all the time.

*  Dating my husband- we started going out on dates every other week.  This lasted a few months.  In the last couple we've probably only gone out a couple of times.  But we're going to get back on track!

*  "F" stands for epic fail a couple of times this fall.  :)

* Mid-month goals:  most of my mid-month goals have not succeeded.  I don't know why.  One mid-month goal that went well for a while was my goal of limiting TV to an hour a day for the little ones.  I've been really bad the last couple of months with lots of illness making its rounds.  But going to get going again.

As for this month, it's going much better than last.  I'm working on being a more firm disciplinarian, since I tend to be about as firm as mush.  We talked about some rules together on a Monday night a few weeks ago, with the kids offering what they thought should be or what they thought represented current family rules.  A few of the things they said were funny, but they were mostly right on.  Later, on my own, I started my list, matching consequences to crimes, by trying to imagine real life consequences for behavior for adult behavior.  So, for example, if a person doesn't go to work in a real-life scenario, they may not have food to eat.  In the past, I've been reticent to try the idea I read about in Parenting with Love and Logic, the idea that parents tell kids they can come to dinner when "x" is picked up, for example.  But I've tried this a few times in the last couple of weeks and it has helped.  They hurry really fast to pick up toys or whatever when dinner is on the table and they are missing it.

Still, I'm noticing just how bad I am at this.  One of the biggest challenges for me, when it comes to discipline, is the dual- show empathy/steel yourself to be firm (I love this mother's advice to think of yourself as a "durable object" during a tantrum or the like) advice; these seem to contradict each other?  I have such a hard time being kind and firm at the same time, I find it easier to be one or the other.  Ideas?  (though I do use the advice from the Five Love Languages of Children, to speak a love language when putting them into time out, such as saying I love you or giving a hug, I'm just bad at getting to the time-out point to begin with!)

I have also had the idea to help the kids learn discipline through a more positive means.  I've been thinking that we need to work on one thing at a time, with a specific reward attached, whether it be time with a parent or earning something they want.  For example, I've talked before about helping my kids get up earlier and get started on their chores in the morning.  I'm just so bad at this, partly because I'm not very consistent right now (I blame still getting up multiple times at night!).  But if I try incorporating one new thing into the morning routine for each child, and providing a moderate incentive, who knows?

As I look back on this project so far, there is so much more good than bad, even with all my mistakes and shortcomings.  We have made some really great memories together (for 2012's highlights, see here).  It's been a really wonderful experience. Oh yeah, and blogging has been a good experience too-- it has given me a boost I really needed, provided a creative outlet, added accountability, helped me see all the positive things in my life, documented memories, helped combat the sometime sense of isolation that can go hand-in-hand with being a full-time mom today, and connected me to friends old and new (thanks for being so kind!).

Oh yeah, and as to getting in the picture, see this wonderful article that I can totally relate to!  Inch by inch we're getting better around here.

You've had enough of me for now.  I hope this was as clear as mud.  As usual, I welcome your sage advice and experiences!

A Little Love

I started composing a little (ha! like anything I write is little! I can't help myself) post about how this months goals are going, but I've been too busy to finish it.

Sometimes, do you just need a little perspective in your life?  I really needed this.  It helps me to remember what matters most.  I have had my own little secret helper and it has been such a boost to know someone out there cares!  All those little acts we do, they aren't wasted.  They make a difference.