Month 7 Well Filling

This month my personal goals are mostly  not going too well (drinking more water is one of them).  But one thing is. 

A little background:  a few years ago my dad introduced me to a list on Brigham Young University's website (my alma mater, wahoo).  Within the Honors program, there is something called the Great Works List (here).  Since then I have periodically used it to find books or art in order to educate myself in little small ways while still being a stay-at-home mom.  I would love to get more education some day; in the short run these make me feel like I am still challenging myself without taking too much time away from my kids.  One favorite that I have been exposed to over the last few years, through a smart friend, is Dickens.  David Copperfield has become a favorite, and Esther Summerson of Bleak House made it onto our "hero" wall even though she is a fictional character.

I have been in a little rut, though, reading the same types of things for a while (and in general my reading slowed way down when I started blogging).  So I challenged myself to go way outside my comfort zone and pick an author or title I'd never heard of (there are quite a few to choose from on this list!).  I chose Soren Kierkegaard's On Fear and Trembling (I even downloaded it free to my phone).  It is not huge, and I'm probably only one third of the way through it, but it has delivered precisely what I wanted-- exposure to a "great" work and new ideas.  And some challenge.  The concepts are quite beautiful.

Time is so precious, and I want things that inspire me to be better.  How do you choose your reading materials?  What is it that fills your tank from an intellectual perspective?  I feel I am a better mother when I am also trying to improve myself each day and it gives me tools with which to teach them, too.

What a Joke

Today while I was getting something out of my refrigerator, a plastic container filled with Butternut Squash soup fell and broke, spreading orange gooey goodness all down my fridge, on the floor, on my kitchen rug and splashed right on up the cabinets.  Aren't those the times you just want to sell the house rather than clean up the mess?  I just stood there for a minute taking it all in before I realized I did Have.To.Clean.It.Up.   I even had a little eager helper.  As I gingerly lifted my overdue-to-be-cleaned rug so I could take it upstairs to be washed, a nice floor of sandy accumulated goodness was revealed underneath.  Carrying that rug and trying to contain the excitement of my little helper required some delicacy; it felt as if we were carrying the limp and lifeless rug to be sacrificed to the laundry god.

Then not ten minutes later I spilled a whole container full of noodles in the exact same spot!  (a few minutes after that I dropped a clean bowl and spoon into the contamination zone-- hmmm....what is my problem?).  The baby, instead of eating the few remaining noodles in the original bowl (which I had set on the table for him), was now picking noodles out of the sandy, post-pukish looking remnants of the Butternut Squash soup and helping himself. Aaaaaaaaaaagh!  (it truly is amazing any of us survive childhood)

I had an entire day like this a few weeks ago.  It started off with kids scrambling with half-brushed hair for homework and shoes in order to RUN for the bus.  Someone was missing one shoe.  Someone else needed to run upstairs (just really quick, Mom!) to grab a library book that was due that day.  Someone else had no socks on and had to run upstairs to hunt for a mis-matched pair.  Someone else needed homework signed (I forgot last night mom!) Someone else was reading while tying his shoes while late for the bus (more on this later).  It seems every day I am giving them a barely squeeze and almost pushing them out the door saying "RUN!"  (with a trailing 'love you!')



I have been unable to run for exercise lately (and I miss it so badly!), but I still wanted to try and exercise, so I pulled out the old sweaty step and the old Kathy Smith video and geared up for what I thought was a really low expectation work-out-- 20 to 25 minutes.  I figured the kids would just play and wouldn't really worry about mommy stepping up and down in one place while a boring lady talked on TV.  Boy was I wrong.  I had some little helpers.  My three year-old wanted to try out my step just like the pretty lady, so I went downstairs and found her a little step, which I had to keep moving because she wanted to be right. Next. To me.  (the same child that wants to sit on my lap every meal)  I really think it is cute, and I like having a buddy.  But I'm not getting much exercise.  The baby decides to sit on the step and watch the movie.  He has hardly watched TV in his life, he has never been interested, and he chooses now to suddenly be interested in that boring lady on TV.  He is sitting so cute on my step, what can I do?  So I try my best to step around him; sometimes I can only fit the tip of my toe on the step without squishing little fingers.  It was very creative.  Then about 6 minutes in, he started to say "hold you."  I tried putting him on the couch, but he would return to the foot of my step and cry, holding up his arms and saying "hold you!"  So I ended up shutting it off and holding "you" because he would not be deterred. 

When it was time for dance all we could find were holey tights (laundry room smelling like someone died in there) and a be-smudged leotard (are those stains or is it dirty?  sometimes I can't tell).  And the laundry I had washed the day before but hadn't had a chance to fold (running kids to soccer and scouts and whatever else) was now scattered in a lava-style volcano blast all across my room, as different kids had tossed out items in search of others as they hunted for that sock or pair of jeans or whatever it was.  Earlier we'd found one ballet slipper in the trunk of the car, then went on a hunt for the other one.  I took one look at my floor, almost completely covered in disheveled clothes, and thought, "what a joke."  There was no stinkin' way I was finding that ballet slipper in there.  (all the while thinking-- why do I live like this again?)  I lifted up a few items, but lets just say, it was pointless.  Because I've had this little girl late to dance pretty much every lesson for a year, and I'm always apologizing for it and promising to change, I thought....we can not be late!  Her teacher is going to think I am the worst mother in the world! (as she watches my child dance with her toe poking out of her tights, since we couldn't find her other slipper)

These are the times I can feel my blood pressure rising, rising, rising, that at any minute I might just, well, explode into a thousand mommy pieces in a gooey mess just like that bowl of soup. (I wonder if anyone would clean it up or if they would just step right over it, lol) Over and over this crazy morning I kept saying to myself what. a. joke.

Then of course, the baby was suddenly smelling a little ripe.  Worst timing.  So I quickly plopped him down on the floor and changed his diaper, resigning myself to swallowing my mom pride for at least one more week.

So we rounded up random shoes after finding several pairs with no mates (where in the world do they run off to?  Just took them off yesterday?), fed the cats (can't just leave them to starve while I'm gone), buckled everyone in, and got in the car.  My blood pressure was holding steady at an abnormally high level, but luckily so far no animals had been harmed in the making of this movie.  I kept thinking what a joke.  What a joke.  What a joke.

So we're sitting there, in the car, holey tights and all, but everyone is buckled in and safe and quiet for a minute.  The leaves had changed in the neighborhood and the sun was shining through yellow veined leaves and red ones.  The mountains looked like they had been dusted in powdered sugar-snow over night.  The sky was so blue and the day was just so pretty.  And I realized-- we are all safe, I didn't lose it and go in my closet and scream to myself like I felt like doing (I have never done this, but read about it in a book and I definitely feel this way some days).  I am choosing certain things over others.  I could have told my kids no activities or I could choose to spend less time on them and just be a maid all day.  Or I could quit nursing or exercising or something.  I am choosing my life right now, and its not all good or all bad, and I can keep on working on getting better at being more organized and accept the rest for now.  I can't always choose those last minute little things that are out of my control or whether someone spills or loses something but I can learn to choose to laugh about it.  It is a joke.  A big one.  That I will look back at some day with fondness, in spite of it all.  I will miss those little fingers vying for attention on my Kathy Smith step or the arms up, wanting me, and only me.  I have little ones that want to hang with me all day and into the night.  Hey, I'm popular right now.  And that is a good place to be.  It won't always be that way.  Some day I'm sure I will want to frame those little fingerprints on my step or crave having a little girl sit on my lap, even if it means I can't quite get a full meal in.  Or miss the big boy who wants to tell me all about his friend's weird jokes or a little girl who still loves my hugs or has to be reminded to pick up her shoes (every single day).  It is crazy, but it is crazy good.  And crazy funny sometimes.  And I love it.  I'd choose it again, over and over, holey tights and all.

The crazy didn't end there.  Later that day I attempted to clean my messy house before scouts.  The other leader who works with me, whom I love, she is so fabulous (I have had some really great scout partners, and I love scouts, makes up for having to wear those ignominious yellow shirts).  But she has never even once seen my house clean (and hers is gorgeous and spotless).  Baby was crying and hanging on me, it was a joke.  :)  So I let him play on the porch while I did the bare minimum of throwing in some dishes and running a rag over the beauty that was my sticky countertops.  When I went to retrieve him (he was with his sister and I technically could see them through the window, though I clearly wasn't paying close attention to what they were doing, as you will see), he had taken little fistfulls of dirt and thrown them all over the porch.  It was time for scouts, and in spite of the dirty porch it was still better than my house, so we sat on little dirt crumbs for an hour-- I once had a scout start pulling my obnoxiously big weeds during a lesson).  That night I threw together a plain noodle-carrots-out-of-the-bag dinner, got my kids ready for bed, then welcomed in a man from our ward (congregation) just as hubby was getting home.  After some large small talk, he asked me to be the secretary for the children's organization in our local church.  This had to be the biggest joke of the day!  For the first time in my life, I actually turned to my husband right then and there and commented on the irony of the situation (you are all too familiar with my disorganization and attempts to remedy this).  Me, a secretary?  Aren't secretaries supposed to be the organized ones?  Ha ha, someone has a sense of humor.  Of course I said yes, and we will see if the women I will be working with will be laughing a few months from now.  :)

Yes, I really realized, it really is a big huge joke!  That I get to live in and be a part of and contribute to the punch line.  And remember it with happy tears years later, when the chaos is a distant memory and so are the little voices singing some repetitive song while I'm trying to handle some emergency.  I'll take it.   But it doesn't mean I still can't go in the closet and scream sometimes-- its all part of the joke.  One that I can laugh at, letting that lightness creep into my in-the-moment stressed heart, and see that these crazy days really are funny-- I just need to see it.  And some day I'll miss it, crazy and all.


Laughing about our crazy sledding experiences-- a video on my husband's phone.

How do you help yourself lighten up when in a stressful situation?  How do you help yourself see the funny in it? 

Children's Charity and Thankful

I mentioned a couple of months ago that I wanted to use the proceeds from this blog to donate to charities that benefit children.   Then I got tired of having ads on my blog, so I pulled them off temporarily.

Well, I got paid for the ads I had on my blog earlier, which got me thinking about it again.  (just in case you are tempted to try ads on your blog, its not exactly that lucrative...I made 1 cent for a loooongg time, eventually earning 10 dollars for four months of blogging- I felt rich after watching that one penny sit there for what felt like forever before creeping up to that whopping ten bucks :))  That, and all the Sandy stuff has been tugging at my heart, and I want to help, so I'm going to resuscitate the idea of giving to a children's charity each month.  I hope the ads aren't too annoying.  I figure now I can look at them as being there for a good cause-- helping raise money to help children with some of the opportunities and necessities of life.

If you would like to donate, go ahead.  Or if you have a charity you'd like me to look at in for a different month, that sounds great, just leave me a comment or email me (5for50mom@gmail.com).  :)

This month I'm just going to give to the oldie but goodie, the American Red Cross, (here).  I also found this website, which has some useful info about donating in a crisis, with rankings for different charities, some which specifically help children. 

This month I have been feeling extra grateful for the big things: my safe, warm home, for food to eat, and for my five beautiful and healthy children!  My husband has been extra kind and attentive lately, too, surprising me with little one-a-day short text messages that have brightened my day.  I'm also thankful for this project, how it has helped me enjoy those little things I was less aware of before, including the smell of my baby's head after a bath, his arms wrapped tightly around my neck, thankful for little scrawled love notes and childish giggles, for flying sleds down a white hill, for park days and preschool days and even for jumping!

And thankful to Heavenly Father for supporting me and helping me through so much.

A couple of years ago we tried something-- for each day leading up to Thanksgiving we did an act of service to show gratitude for something we had.  For example, if we were thankful for our home, we'd give to the homeless shelter.  To show we were thankful for our new baby, we donated some baby items to a local hospital.  They don't have to be big like this, these are just some ideas that I can think of off the top of my head.  We are doing it again this year, I'll let you know how it goes! 

If you want to read a touching story, that will make you thankful for your little ones, give you perspective, and inspire you, read this blog written by a friend of mine who lost a baby seven years ago.  She and her husband turned the experience into a positive one for hundreds of people as each year they do service to remember the 18 days he was alive.  Warning:  keep your tissues handy.

What are you thankful for?

This Month's Resolutions Update

Some goals this month have been easy, some have been killer hard (that dang schedule!).  I don't know why, but the schedule thing has been the hardest thing I've done yet.  When I have tried to stick to it, even over an hour behind on my best days :), it has made a big difference in my productivity.

I have noticed that when I speak one love language to my kids (the hugs, way easy!), it makes it easier to speak another (when hugging that child, it is easy to say nice things, for example).

Do you follow a schedule?  What makes it easier for you?  I pride myself on being flexible, but this can also be the bane of my existence. :)

Sleddin'

We got a ton of snow last weekend, so my husband suggested we go sledding.  I'll admit I was nice and warm in the house :), thought maybe I could have a little alone time if I stayed home with the napping baby (wink, wink) (who woke up as it was time to go anyway), but I decided to go (force myself) and had a wonderful time.  Sledding is just so fun! (my hubby and I went sledding together at night on a steep, icy hill when we were just friends in college, it makes for a fun, crazy memory..we nicknamed one hill "The Scraper," lol)  And it was a great time together.  So beautiful too!  I just love these guys.  Went home for some hot chocolate and laughs over my husbands video of K's close encounter with "the jump." (see below)

 We don't have boots for baby, so we pretty much carried him the whole time.  He would act terrified when I took him down on my lap, but at the bottom he'd heave a breathless sigh and say "SLIDE!"  If I asked him if he liked it, he would nod his head.  :)

 Showing us how much "air" he got off a jump.  He talked about this and talked about it and talked about it and talked about it...until he went to bed that night. :)

A Hike

A Perfectionist's Chocolate Chip Cookie and Cooking at Altitude Adjustment Guide

I have been refining this recipe for years now, searching for the "perfect" cookie.  I'm not sure these are perfect, but they are super yummy!  Instead of calling them the "perfect" cookies I thought I'd call them "perfectionist's cookies" instead.  :)  Now, just so you know, perfect doesn't mean low fat in this case, it just means goooood.  One nice thing is, these are so good and filling I don't tend to eat as many (only half a dozen instead of the full tray).  :)

Note: I doubled my original recipe, because it never seemed to be enough.  But I do have five kids.  So, just in case this is a lot for you, you can cut it in half.  I also like to make dough balls and freeze them in gallon ziploc bags for later.  I just thaw them for 15 mins before baking (no need to be thawed completely!  I think they actually cook up the best when they have been frozen or chilled first).  Then I can also cook as many as I'd like at one time, because no matter how many I make they all get eaten (if I make 2 doz, and my kids each have one, I eat the rest, no matter how many are left!  ouch.).  Also, I tweaked the sugar because I prefer the taste of white sugar to brown.  Most traditional recipes have more brown than white.  As long as you have the same total amount of sugar, then you can change that up as needed or desired (could even swap out the requirements, ie, one and a half cups packed brown sugar and 1 cup white).

A Perfectionist's Chocolate Chip Cookies

4 cups plus 4 tablespoons unbleached all purpose flour (21 1/4 oz)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
24 tablespoons (3 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled until warm
1 cup (7 oz.) packed brown sugar
1 1/2 cups (10 and 1/2 oz.) granulated sugar
2 teaspoons vegetable shortening (Crisco)
2 large eggs plus 2 yolks
4 teaspoons vanilla extract
2-3 cups semisweet chocolate chips (according to taste, whether you like a lot or only a few)

1.  Adjust an oven rack to the upper or lower middle rack.  Heat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit*.  Spray a baking sheet with non stick cooking spray (or line with parchment paper).  (if you are below 4000 feet, heat your oven to 325 and cook a little longer, see note below)
2.  Mix the flour, baking soda, and salt together in a medium bowl with a whisk.
3.  Cream the butter, shortening, and sugar together either by hand or with an electric mixer until fluffy (it will take roughly a minute).  Beat in the egg, yolk, and vanilla until just combined.  Add the dry ingredients and beat at low speed until combined-- don't over mix.  Stir in the chocolate chips until you have the amount you like. (I like fewer rather than more, just personal taste)
4.  Roll or spoon out roughly 1/4 cup balls of dough.  The dough balls need to be about the same size so they'll cook evenly, and don't pack the dough too tight when making a ball so they won't be too dense. Make sure it is ball shaped (sometimes I even squeeze mine so they are taller than they are wide), so it will cook into a puffy cookie and not a flat one.
5.  For the most perfect of perfectionist's cookies, chill in the refridgerator or freeze first (if you freeze, let the dough thaw for 15 minutes before baking) and then bake.
6.  Bake until the cookies are light brown and golden and the outer edges start to harden yet the centers are still soft and puffy, 10 minutes*.  (watch, they may need more or less time depending on your oven) 
7.  Cool the cookies on the sheet, the enjoy!  I'd love to hear how yours turned out.

*If you are baking below 4000 feet, adjust your oven temp to 325 and increase your baking time from 15-18 minutes.

Some cooking at altitude tips I learned at Cook Street School of Fine Cooking in Denver:

(The above cookies will work fine in either place!  No need to adjust)

When making baked goods with a non-altitude recipe it can be really frustrating.  Most people's easy fix for this is to add flour, which I really, really dislike!  I think it makes baked goods dry.  These tips are the best I've found!  Don't make more than two adjustments at a time as you try to tweak your favorite sea level recipes.   (this is almost a direct quote from one of their resources)

1.  Reduce baking soda or baking powder by 25%.  If a recipe calls for 1 t. of baking soda, use 3/4 t.
2.  Increase the liquid by 2T per cup.
3.  Increase the oven temp slightly to set the cake batter or cookie dough faster.  Place cookie dough on parchment rather than a greased pan.
4.  Decrease sugar by 2T per cup.
5.  Increase flour by 1 T per cup to strengthen the gluten structure.  Don't use this adjustment if it makes cakes tough or dry.

Enjoy! Happy eating from our family to yours.  :)