The Effect of Stress on Parents and Kids - Finding a Safety Valve

Today I took a break from the blood-pressure raising environment of Facebook and took my little ones to the park.  :)  The weather here has been gorgeous, and I have wanted to soak it up as long as I possibly can!  We drove a bit to a different park than we normally visit, which sits between a brick oven pizza place and a fountain.  The air was perfect, the sun warm on our faces and arms and backs.  Tinny music played from a distant radio, the clunk-clunk sounds of builders echoed off nearby buidings, and the sun filtered through gold and brown leaves just-hanging delicately to half- bare trees.  It smelled of warmed rubber and pizza crust toasted brick brown.  (I was feeling really thankful for the free smells) 

(this tree picture is from a different day.  I am just loving the lingering beauty in my part of the woods!)

The baby could hardly contain his excitement, running and giggling and running and giggling and running and....giggling.  Cute little three year-old was more measured and deliberate about where she chose to spend her time, but no less happy.  I enjoyed following their bliss, lifting little ones down from stranded high places or climbing through tunnels or going down the slide with our arms in the air (the baby especially love to watch me do this).  Is it just me, or is acting like a kid again so much fun sometimes?  Letting those inhibitions free and just...jumping.  When was the last time you...jumped?  Well, I don't really jump very often.  I haven't read Gretchen Rubin's new book (Happier at Home), though I mean to, but I know that was one of her resolutions just from reading the synopsis.  Today I tried it out a little.  It made me happy.  How can you feel down when you jump?

So I've been thinking about something.  I've been reading Simplicity Parenting.  I'm not very far into it yet.  But I have been learning about stress and what it does to us.  When kids are subjected to stress for a long period of time, all sorts of negative things happen.  They suffer from more anxiety, perform more poorly on tests, and act out or behave more aggressively, showing less empathy overall.  They also have less impulse control.  They can even get a form of PTSD (I can't remember the clinical term in kids and I'm too lazy to go up to my room to get the book).  All from being overscheduled and over hurried without time to think, play, unwind, and be a kid.

Incidentally, this also happened to me.  I was actually diagnosed with a form of traumatic stress disorder from a very stressful period in my life (a couple of years ago).  We did two building projects ourselves within a few years, moved 7 times in nine years, while I was having my dear babies.  The final straw was moving, having a baby two weeks later, moving again 6 months later into a house that needed a lot of work.  I had a little mini breakdown with all the symptoms listed above.  This is one of the reasons that part of my efforts to be a good parent includes a personal safety valve, what I call well-filling activities.  I think that is one reason this project has been an overall success so far.  While there is always more I want to do as a parent (you can probably tell by my millions of over-ambitious goals many months), its nice to have that little safety valve to keep things real.  So I can keep up the marathon pace I need to be what my kids need forever, and not just right now.

Which activities are a stress reliever, well filler, safety valve for you?  Today, for me, it was taking time to relax with my kids at the park.  We even stayed a little extra time, ate white bread smushed into various shapes that my three year-old had packed into a gallon ziploc bag with some juice boxes.  (yet enjoying those free smells!)  Blogging has been therapeutic for me too.  What are yours?

What is a good stress reliever for your kids?  How can you tell when they are not getting enough "kid" time?  Do you have a hard time saying no like I do?  It really seems to take such concerted effort!

Organization Update (Again?)

(Great read.  -- hey, it even works for Halloween! ha--  More about this book next week)

Um, I'm supposed to be organizing this month, and what I'm learning is that it is hard to get organized when I am unorganized!  Ha.

I sat in front of my computer on Monday and all was blank.  So I'm going to hunker down right now (I know my month should be over already!  aaaaaagggh!) and finish what I started, like, six weeks ago. 

I'm glad I didn't finish, though, because I've gotten some new insights on planning/organization.

It's all well and good to get organized and try to maximize one's day.  But what I've gotten here and here and here (see Of Regrets and Resolutions-- awesome!) is a little perspective.  There are so many good things to choose from in life.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could choose all of them.  And isn't there a lot of pressure right now to do it all?  As a culture we are infected with hurry sickness, myself included, to squeeze in as much as possible into life.  But what are we trying to squeeze in?  How much will the things we do today really matter when life is done?

Is more really better?  More toys just add more work in clutter.  More activities make us rush around with little time to think or connect or see other people around us that might need our help.

So as I prepare to attack my schedule and planning, I'm also going to be focusing on what to cut out.  Off the top of my head, I think I could check Facebook less (all the political updates are driving me crazy anyway) and substitute some real face time with people I care about.  Trying to stave off my continous snack attack would give me more time and a smaller waistline.  :)  Even if I give up one little five minute time waster (ahem, Instagram), I can make those five minutes meaningful to one of my children.

During a recent event, I found that all my children were happily occupied and I found myself beckoned by some beautiful craggy autumn trees through some underbrush to the bank of a small river, that glinted orange and yellow in the lazy afternoon sunlight.  I remembered -pause- that somewhere under the busy mom is a person who had (wait, has!) goals and dreams for my life.  I realized I need to be alone more often-- for a little clarity, in my own life and so I can better help those in my care.  Then one minute later my cute husband and baby came trundling along behind me, with little happy smiles on their faces.  Happy sigh.  Alone time over, but I'm lucky to have these dear people to keep me running!  I just need to make sure I'm running where I want to go, enjoying the journey, and not just the destination.

What do you cut out of your schedule in order to simplify?  What is your favorite quiet moment?  And how do you fend off guilt when you say "no?"   

As a side note, you can get I Never Planned to be a Witch (Eyre)-- I think-- for free on the Power of Moms website if you sign up for emails.  I have a link in my sidebar.  It is an encouraging, simple book that I really enjoyed and felt inspired by.