Some Goals

(I had nothing to do with this ^^^.  Love the innocence of childhood and love the times when they help one another!)

Okay, so I haven't really talked about goals so far this month.

So here is what I've been working on and how it's going:

1 - Patience.  See end of post.

2 - Foster friendships.  I'm trying to do a better job at enabling my kids friendships.  It's just so easy to let them play at home, with each other.  And I often wait to have friends over until the house is clean, but the house is never clean!  And when it's really clean, the last thing I want is for my hard work to get undone quickly by a herd of happy friends.  So I've decided two things.  One, that I never cared whether my friend's houses were clean or dirty when I was a kid.  I cared about my friend.  I'm so glad their mothers didn't wait for a clean house, or I would have missed out on a lot of great memories.  So I'm going to swallow my pride and foster friendships regardless of the state of my house.  So far, this is going well, I think.  And part of this resolution has included car-pooling to soccer.  I'm surprised that I'm a little sad to let go of all the driving, just as I had started to find ways to enjoy it, like time to talk with the kids and listen to books together.  But my son needs some more friend time, so we switched to a team with a couple of his friends and have been carpooling.  It has been so nice, from a time perspective, and from a friend perspective.  Though I miss him and our bonding time with the other kids.

3 - Encourage exercise and outside time.  Learning about ADD has made me realize that exercise is a lifeline that I can't deny my kids.  (I think my own ADD was subconsciously causing me to keep them inside more often, because it's mentally hard for me to keep track of kids spread to kingdom come, and hard for me to round them up when the time comes)  So I've relaxed about letting them outside.  They have been biking around like crazy.  It's pretty cute.  The only sad thing, is that the littlest boy, who has an adventuresome spirit, runs away!  I can't tell you how many times I have had to run like the wind, Tonto, to catch him, and he can run fast (he bolts even faster when he sees me coming)!  He is not afraid to run away from home (four times while I was making dinner the other night!  I had to stop what I was doing and go chase him down, I'm sure my neighbors are having a good laugh).  So I have to lock the other kids out, to keep him in (he even learned how to get out through the garage!  I'm in trouble).  It makes me sad that he has to be stuck inside when I can't be out with him, but it's for his own good.  We have also been going on summer bike rides and went on a hike yesterday.  I love time like this together. (also: after a long injury, I have been tentatively exercising myself!  it feels SO good!)

4 - Get up-to-date work charts and rule lists.  I did a mini refresher on The Parenting Breakthrough (translation: I do way too much for my kids!) and made a list of the things my kids should be doing at their current ages and will be using as I update chore charts and move to a new system.  Will also be starting allowance!  We'll see how it goes.  I've also been trying to translate my new knowledge about ADD into routines/work charts, for example, piggybacking certain chores onto others, so they are easier to remember (ie, making bed right when you get out of it).  This is taking me much longer than expected.  I've let the kids veg out more than I should in an attempt to get it done.  Next year I'm doing it before school ends.  Oh yeah, and we're working on our summer bucket list.  You know what?  It was a little overwhelming to write down all the things my kids should be doing at their respective ages, but it was also exciting!  I am excited for them to learn some life time skills (and it will reduce my load, too).

Okay, on the patience thing, don't ask me why I saved this for last.  Just a little observation.  I used to think that patience was something someone either had or didn't have.  A quality, not a skill.  And while I do think that biology and nurture do make patience more difficult for some people than others, I now see it in a new light.  I think it is also a skill to be practiced, honed, and bettered.  And a habit to make or maintain.  I suffered from some moderate depression in the spring, as I found out about my diagnosis, and the possibility that several of my kids suffer from ADD as well.  As I've read more about it, I've found that post-diagnosis depression is very common (all the doomsday forecasting in the ADD books doesn't help!  you will become an alcoholic!  you will go to prison!  you will get in lots of car accidents!  your relationships will suffer!  on and on.  not exactly encouraging sometimes, though there are some rays in the clouds I'll relate when i get around to it!)  Back to the subject.  I was down, and I let myself get more snappish with the kids.  I am not normally like that.  But I let myself.  And let me tell you, it's not just a matter of telling yourself you are simply going back to the way things were before, there are now impatient habits that are hard to break!  So....just something to think about...patience is a habit.  It is also a skill we can practice and acquire, not just something we are or are not.

Happy Wednesday!

April Goals

Whoa, dearest readers, by the end of this month I will have been doing my project and blogging about it for one whole year.  Thanks for the wonderful ride.

I almost posted goals last week, as I penciled a rather large list of things I want/need to work on while I was at my parent's house last week for part of Spring Break.  But I didn't feel ready... yet.  I wanted to let the ideas sort themselves and stew and gain some clarity, which happened over the weekend.

First off, I need to thank you for your words of support and encouragement last month.  So kind.  I am feeling much better, thank you.  Getting a diagnosis was both a relief and...not, as I sort of re-experienced all of the pain associated from a whole life's worth of struggle.  I've already devoured several books on the subject (ADD), and gained a bunch of new insight into myself and my kids and even my relationship with my husband.  There is a really fine line between understanding one's limitations and dwelling on them.  I've found some material that depressed me (amazing just how many people with ADD later become addicts, for example, because of poor impulse control and an unwitting desire to self-medicate their symptoms) and other material that was really positive, pointing out all of the strengths of being ADD (I found this site, based on the work of Dr. Daniel Amen-- who thinks ADD belongs in 6 classifications, in which two are considered personality types and not a disorder-- particularly encouraging).  So I'm going to try and focus on the positive, for myself and son, as put forth in books by the likes of Dr. Edward Hallowell (he has ADHD himself) and Thom Hartmann (who sees modern manifestation of ADHD as a "hunter" -like gene in a "farmer"-based world).  It really is a huge blessing, even though it has been hard, that I have learned all of this before any of my kids have hit the really difficult years as far as studying, exposure to illicit substances, etc. :)

Blah, blah.  Some day I'll learn to edit myself!

As I've studied all about ADHD, I've learned that many of the same techniques that help ADD'ers will help anyone.  I've learned about all that medication can do for people with ADD (even though we have been trying something called Biofeedback), but that it is only part of a three-legged stool in the approach to treatment.  Medication can help kids/adults be more focused for example, but cannot teach skills that haven't yet been learned, like organization.  And that the other part of any treatment plan which will help anyone's focus, involves standard health procedures, such as getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating well (particularly Omega 3-rich foods).  Oh yeah, and routines are especially important for those with ADD.  That really sounds overwhelming to me, as I stink at routines!  But I am going to try.

So, long story, not ever short, here goes.  My goals for my kids are:

1.  Develop an after-school and evening routine with built-in consequences, starting with one or two incorporations at a time and gradually adding more throughout the month.  Including some mandatory time outside each day.  Because I'm a softie, but my kiddos really need it.
2.  Focus on paying attention to my kids feelings of belonging and significance.

And, brace yourself here.  I know I have had goals to increase my own well-being most months, as it helps me be a better mom, but this month I have a whole bunch.

1.  Drink 8 glasses of water a day.
2.  Start getting up early to exercise again (I've found a cheap gym close by, so even though I miss running so dearly, it will do the trick for now).
3.  Use fruits and vegetables as snacks.
4.  Enlist the aid of select others to work on some things that I now see are weaknesses, such as budgeting and organizing.
5.  Make a sticker chart for myself to track limited TV watching (we set this as a goal in a different month, but it has gotten out of control lately).

I have more I'm dying to work on, but I want these goals to be successful in the long-term, which they probably won't if I overdo it.

Happy Monday, everyone!  I have a few fun Spring Break photos to share this week.  

Do any of you have tricks that you have used to motivate yourself to do a difficult task, to avoid procrastinating, or to help you focus?