Splish Splash I Was Takin' a....

It has been hard to get this little boy in the bath lately.  Yesterday I decided to scrap what  I had planned with the kids and instead play with him while he was in the tub.  He was so reluctant that I had to coax him in with a dive-bombing alien; even then he stood for probably ten minutes before he could bring himself to sit down.  After he got playing, I think he remembered just how fun baths can be!  He kept calling the alien a "ghostie," which joined his little car Guido as a comfort object for the day. (and we discovered Ghostie glows at bedtime)  A few minutes of playing soon melted into nearly an hour of not-wanting-to-get-out.  I was happy to sit for that long since I still wasn't feeling too well myself.

(another little funny side note:  any time a tub toy would drip profusely, he would say it was "pooping")

That beautiful black stuff in the tub is plumbers glue (the previous homeowners sold the tub the plumber replaced).  So the tub is clean, let's just pretend we are trending tub tattoos and couch tattoos around here (I can't remember if I shared the couch tattoo story on this blog or just on Instagram?  We were the recipient of a beautiful bright blue snowflake stamp on our new sofa.  I could not get it out, even though our couches have been stain treated.  For a short time I tried really hard to convince myself that I did indeed want the new couch tattoo I had been gifted, but I was really relieved to receive Amodex from the couch company, which completely removed the entire stain!  Whew!  I think I'd rather have a couch tattoo as a voluntary measure.)

Some day I am sure going to miss those little wrinkled fingers and toys lined up on the edge of the tub and carrying a snuggly little one in a warm fuzzy towel and pink baby lotion and the smell of my baby's head after a bath.

As you can probably tell, even though we haven't reached the actual age of two here, we have reached the age at which certain two year old behaviors are notorious.  That's not to say that I don't just want to eat up this cute little thing every day, of course.  I love this link my sister sent me, called 46 Reasons My Three Year-Old Might Be Freaking Out.  So super funny!  Sometimes its fun to take a step back and realize how funny some of this stuff can be.  And we'll miss that little kid whose "lip tastes salty" or whose "shirt has a tag on it." (and probably wish our problems were that simple again, right?)  Is there something seemingly insignificant that has caused a melt-down at your house?

Under the Weather and an Unexpected Attachment Object

We are still under the weather around here.  I have some fun photos for tomorrow.  For today, let this suffice:

This cute little car has not been put down for probably three weeks (unless it is involuntarily reliquished).  He always carries it in one chubby fist or the other and he even sleeps with it.  He vrooms it across my shoulder while he nurses. He has been resisting a bath for a while now and today I realized that it's probably because I don't let him take it in the bath (today I relented).  It is sort of interesting to watch him try to manage manual dexterity-requiring tasks with his little forklift nestled in his hand.  After a nap, during which time it invariably falls out of his little hand, he is fussy or inconsolable until it is found.  Because I was at first confused as to which actual character it was in the movie Cars, he calls it interchangeably "Wee-doe" (Guido) or "Wee-Gee" (Luigi).  So super cute.

Back tomorrow. :)

A Date With a Crazy Driver

Sorry for so much blah blah blah the last few days.  Time for some silent photos soon.

So....my kids are keeping me honest now that they have discovered I scheduled dates with them on my calendar (back when I worked on organization...I have one child scheduled for a date each month, so they'll get one every 4 months-ish).  Friday I was able to go out with my oldest son to a local boy heaven-- it had laser tag, arcades, go karts, and bowling under one roof (I happened to have some credits there from a couple of years ago, oops).  We did a couple of arcade games first; he had a good laugh at my terrible target shooting and I was duly impressed by his.  We also sat in some kind of motion simulator (only for him, let me tell you, I usually hate those things) and got our brains jiggled out against the jittery yellow vinyl backed seats, as we catapulted through a "haunted" mine.

Then he decided we should earn some tickets.  So we tried shooting some hoops, whereupon I introduced him to some good old fashioned "Skee-ball."  (best way to earn tickets, in my mind)  He liked it so much we used up the rest of the allowance on our cards and disappointedly tried to push the yellow button even though we knew we had no money left (just in case?).  He did eventually redeem our tickets for a couple super cheap plastic spiders to give his sisters when we got home.

Next up, laser tag.  Who knew how fun laser tag could be?  It was the two of us, a middle aged couple and their princess daughters (probably 5 and 7?), their son, and the acne-ridden guy who worked there (without him, lets just say....we'd have been annihilated  against a whole big group of twelve year-old boys.  It was so fun sneaking through the neon black darkness, hiding behind pillars, running, dodging, and trying to shoot the glowing vests of the deviously evil boys on the other team.  :) 

Then we visited the bowling alley.  On the way there, we laughed about my adventures in bowling as a twenty something, when I got three strikes in a row, impressing all the boys in the process (no one more surprised than myself), and then proceeded to bowl nearly straight gutter balls the rest of the game.  Lol.  I had a near repeat of this experience, in different sequence, as I'd bowl a strike and then a couple of gutter balls, etc.  He had a good laugh about that, though he often remained good naturedly concerned as he watched some of my shots veer toward the gutter, right until my ball was sucked silently into the bowling abyss.  He did pretty well himself, and we had a good laugh in a virtually empty bowling alley filled with eighties music.

Last of all, we went outside in stinging winter air to try out the go-karts, my son's favorite.  He offered to drive, and I got to be the giddy passenger.  He had been sharing his go kart driving exploits from a friends birthday party all weekend, so I was all prepared for some crazy driving.  And boy was it crazy!  He is normally pretty mild mannered, but he was aggressive in that machine, keeping the pedal to the metal all the way around the tight corners (I noticed his neck had some purplish marks from the seat belt for a couple of days afterward), and as I white knuckled a bit when he tried to pass some other swerving cars driven by boys of similar age.  I think I laughed most the way.  It was pretty fun, minus breathing in some heavy fumes between breath holding.

I love letting the outer adult go in times like these and remembering how it felt to be a kid.  Especially since my kids just seem to eat it up when I act like a kid with them for a bit.  And also letting the child I'm with lead the play.  Fun for both of us.

He thanked me a lot of times for our little "date."  That night, he curled up on my bed and said "Mom, I want to ask you something."  We ended up having a heart to heart conversation.

Have a wonderful weekend!  I will miss you, friends!  Goals next week, because I'm feeling lazy right now.  :)  Love to all.

February Re-Cap

This was a quick but good month in some unexpected ways.

The beginning of the month saw us in the local children's hospital with Maia, our middle daughter, who underwent emergency surgery for a septic hip joint.  It was a roller coaster of emotion.  Since that time, I have looked at her each day and realized what a gift she is. 

One especially big plus was that I took extra time to help Kaedon with his science fair project.  He wanted to see if a parabolic mirror like one fabled to have been used by Archimedes could burn something.  So we read about it, and I helped him build and test a parabolic mirror.  Not necessarily in my comfort zone, but it was a fabulous experience  (more about this later).   One night Kaedon was upset that he had done all his chores and it was too late to play with any friends, so I offered to read with him on my bed.  For the last couple of years, I have only read to the younger kids and have let the self-sufficient readers read to themselves.  But reading with him was fun!

As far as dates go, I had a great experience taking Kaedon on a little date.  It wasn't that hard, and I realized why these one-on-one bonding experiences are important, as he opened up to me that night about something that was bothering him.

So, it was a good month, some good progress made and some happy memories and perspective gained.

As always, if you have any suggestions or tips on something that has worked for you, I'd love to hear about it!  I have always felt that parenting is an area that we really need each other's help.

Helping Kids Learn to Deal with Disappointment

We have gotten the opportunity to practice this a bit this year!  Including a few things not mentioned here. :)

A couple of years ago, I was totally surprised when my son had a whole string of spelling bee success, including winning his school bee and making it all the way to the top ten in our county, which included kids up to eighth grade, when he was just in 4th.  And this year, I could tell my daughter was really excited about being eligible.  She would sneak into our study and practice, as early as the summer before the bee.

For both of them, after a whole year's worth of talking about it, sporadic practicing, and hoping, both of my kids lost at various early stages of the school bee.  I felt so badly for both of them-- they were both so disappointed.  But I was encouraged that my son, for the first time in his three years of spelling bees, actually turned the blame for his loss on himself, rather than on a pronouncer or something else.  Even though I was heartbroken for them (and felt a share of the guilt, for not helping practice more or for maybe getting their hopes a little too high?), I felt that this was an important step in a maturing young person-- accepting responsibility and deciding internally to try harder or practice more next year.

While it is definitely worse to watch my children hurt over something than it would be to go through myself, I realized that we were given a priceless growth opportunity.  I remembered some of my growing-up failures and disappointments and all the ways they made me better.

As some of you know, I used to play competitive sports.  Sometimes this could be a very roller coaster experience on many levels.   Lets just say the types of catty behaviors for which teen girls are notorious are also sometimes displayed within a sports setting.  Another way is, well, the competitive nature of competitive sports!  I remember multiple times, after putting it all on the field at a try-out, going hopefully with a friend to look at a team roster, only to feel that sinking devastating feeling when my friend found her name and mine was heart-stoppingly absent.  (One specific friend who I had this experience with a few times, clear into college, was so sweet and empathetic, and brought me a bag of candy with a note a couple of different times)  In retrospect, it's just a game!  But when I was young it was (embarrassing to say it now) my life.  In high school and college track, I would watch a very talented individual here and there who could win without much effort at all, while I had to work my guts out.  At some point I realized that I was a winner for working hard and doing my best, and that I was the lucky one for having to work at it and learn to set goals and cope with failure.

Or the time I thought I had no friends that shared my lunch in high school, only to go outside for something near the end of a semester I had often sat alone, to watch them speeding away in a car, smiling and laughing.  Ouch.  It hurt.  But I also realized that maybe I was with the wrong friends.  I found a much better group of friends after a painful but enlightening period of alone-ness that, in the end, made me a stronger, better, more happy-with-myself person than I was before.

So, with my own kids, do I want to protect them from stuff like this?  You bet.  Do I want to watch them get hurt, be disappointed, fail?   Of course not.  Yet in other ways, these types of experiences are what refine us and make us better and stronger.

There was a quote on a white piece of poster board high on the wall in my kindergarten classroom.  It read:  "We all make mistakes.  That's the way we learn."   Isn't it funny that I remember that?  When so much of early life can be such a blur?  So maybe learning from the important people in our children's lives at a young age, that we accept and love you no matter what, that we are all making mistakes, and learning from them, all  the time-- and that is okay.  It's the trying that counts.

So, after another long-winded post, here are some ideas I've brainstormed as well as gleaned from a beautiful article I read about teaching kids resilience, just this morning.

1.  Help them learn to accept responsibility for their preparation.

2.  Help them look around and empathize with competitors.  To be happy for kids when they win, and to sympathize with a friend who does not.

3.  Help them see the end goal of anything competitive-- to better themselves and be a good sport.

4.  I know not everyone out there will relate to this one, but in case you do: pray with them before hand.  This seems to do a lot to help my kiddos feel calm, as well as helping him/her to see the big picture. (a great thing to do if they are sad afterward, too!)

5.  Help them recognize that failure and mistakes are learning opportunities.

6.  Help them take responsibility for outcomes that were less than ideal, even if a loss wasn't completely his/her fault.

7.  Teach that hard work, effort, and good sportsmanship make them winners no matter the outcome.

8.  Sit down in the dirt and cry with them.  Be supportive and empathetic as they work through what they could have done differently, without blame or I-told-you-so's (I have tried to step back a little and let my kids take responsibility for assignments and things and sometimes this is hard, when you try to encourage them to prepare a little more, but then leave consequences to them).  Love and support them and empathize with them no matter what, but don't join in if they try to shift blame elsewhere.

9.  Then show support for renewed efforts.  Or not.  Part of childhood is trying new things, feeling safe in trying those new things, and deciding when, how, or what to do next.

10.  Give examples in your own life of disappointments and how they made you a better person.

11.  Praise effort.  This encourages them more effectively than praising results.

12.  The end goal of competition should be that I become a better person, in the broad definition of the term.  And part of that includes using any expanded talents and skills grown in the process to benefit/bless others.

When my son experienced this most recent loss, a fellow spelling bee parent and neighbor showed up on our doorstep with a package of Oreos.  He said he had felt so bad when K had lost, as he knew how important it was to him.  Never mind that his son had gotten out too.  That act of kindness touched me so much.

How do you cope with loss and disappointment?  What are your tips or experiences on overcoming failure?

Growing Up

My little boy is growing up!  When did this happen?  He is almost as tall as I am now.  Thanks for indulging my little trip down memory lane, here, including, ug, some beauties with me in them (trying to "get in the picture!").  So glad I no longer own any scrunchies or garbage-bag-like maternity clothes.  I initially made a little slideshow, complete with a cheesy song, but it was way too long.  When I tried to show it to him, he kept asking when it was going to be over. :)  (The song I found to put on the slideshow makes me cry, its called You and Me by Frances England, you can listen to it on this video)

He has always been such a delight.  Such a happy, easy going kid, who loves to talk and tell jokes, read, and spend time together.   I couldn't ask for a nicer big brother to all his younger siblings.

Before I had kids, I always looked forward to parenthood with excitement and trepidation at the same time. What kind of parent would I be?  How would I feel about my child?  I worried that staying home with just one child might feel like a waste of time.  But looking back, the time I spent with this boy, and any of my kids for that matter, has been the best-spent time of all.  My favorite memories, even when on a particular day I had to leave dishes, time for myself, or something else waiting at home, are of these little people.  I will always treasure the time I had with each one of them--there has not even been one time spent together that I have thought of as a waste, even if it was less than ideal (some less than ideal times need a little space before realizing the good in them, right?).  There is a part of me that will always look back sentimentally and wish to hold my little boy again, or do something differently, but I will never regret the time I spent with him, and in some ways it makes the passage of time a little easier to take-- that I know I did my best to make the most of it.   Right from the start, I was so in love with this little boy, for good reasons.  He has changed my life in so many ways for the better.  The things people say about having kids, is true.   While there can be frustrating and exhausting and discouraging days, they get in your heart and you will never be the same.

(see here for something I wrote about how having him and parenting changed my life)

 We had a favorite park within walking distance of our house when we lived in England.  We went there often to play or explore the woods or have a picnic.

These two have always had a special relationship, in spite of what would seem to be evidence to the contrary here.

 Cutest big brother ever.  But I'm biased.

Even though I will always feel such a fondness when I think about my little boy, I sure love that my arm fits comfortably around his shoulders, that he gets my jokes, plays with the little ones, and is such a pleasant, happy kid.  My life would definitely not be the same without him.  One of the best choices I have ever made.

Great, great kid.

How has parenting changed you?  In what ways is it different than you expected?  Better?  

Winter Zoo

We went to the zoo on the kids recent day off school.  I have enjoyed a couple of our winter jaunts to the zoo because there was hardly anyone else there.  The littlest one was such a delight to watch.  He was so enthusiastic about the different animals, imitating sounds (his monkey sound was so adorable, let me tell you) and calling everything enthusiastically a "tiger!" until I would tell him an animal's correct name.

 When he saw these statues, of course he said "a tiger! a tiger!"  So we took some tiger pics.

 This little girl loves to take photos.  Not sure how she felt about the cold, though.