I've been thinking a lot lately about a favorite talk of mine. It's like a mini-parenting Bible condensed into a few wise words. The man who gave it felt like a father to me, even though I had never met him. But I learned so many things from his wise counsel and his warmth and his wittiness (learning just as much in a different way, from this man right now). When he died, it took me a long time to get over missing him, as it were.
Okay, I'm already off the subject! And I haven't even started!
In his talk, These, Our Little Ones, Gordon Hinkley tells of a woman, who, in Rome, was sitting with some women as they compared their jewels with one another. When asked, a widow named Cornelia answered, gesturing at her children, "these are my jewels." They grew up to be the Graachi, two of the "most effective and persuasive reformers in Roman history (here)." All because their mom loved them and believed that her most important job was being their mother.
All of us give up things to be a mother (even the very worst mothers give up something!). One day I realized, that while I love this story, I am not in the slightest bit tempted by jewels. Every year as the holidays roll around and those touchy-feely commercials come on about someone who went to "Jared," I always gag, bleuch. The last thing I would want my husband to spend a bunch of money on is an expensive jewel necklace that would soon be lost or broken. (now the gorgeous earrings my sister brought me from Australia, that I wear every day, are an exception!)
So I thought....what are my jewels? What do I choose to give up in my mothering for the well-being of my children? (this is so different for everyone! what may be a jewel for someone is a much needed well-filler for someone else!)
Okay, here is my short (long) list: more education (some day!). Wearing designer clothes. Or even something that is not old or needs to be ironed! Wearing dresses (see below! I actually got to wear a dress last Sunday, didn't notice it had spots on it until I looked at the picture! ha ha). Since I have been nursing, I compute at the moment, a total of nearly 8 of the last 11 years, this means I have had to give up dresses for now. A full night's sleep. Ugly legs due to my varicose veins from pregnancy. Travel. Piano (I still get some travel and piano in limited doses). Learning how to make quilts and other sundry DIY projects. A clean, chaos-free house and a weed-free yard! Money. To buy new cars instead of used ones, wait less than 12 years for new couches :). Alone time. Enough said. Humanitarian aid -- there is so much I want to do! Tending to my basic needs, like eating, sleeping, and using the bathroom.
YET. I feel way more than compensated for those things I have given up. I feel more beautiful knowing I have sacrificed for someone else. I feel smarter having had the opportunity of explaining the world to my little ones. My perspective has changed so much-- making my life of movies and malls and cards with my husband before kids sound so empty and dull (and we sure appreciate each date now! For more about how motherhood has changed my perspective, see here). I wouldn't trade that good night's sleep for watching my beautiful child, who has grown with my nourishment and care, sleep like a little angel.
I didn't mean for this post to be so long.
Here are a couple of poems on this subject:
Italian Lake
You are the trip I did not take,
You are the pearls I cannot buy;
You are my blue Italian Lake;
You are my piece of foreign sky.
-- Anne Campbell
And my own version, which I thought would be easy, and funny, and wasn't either.
My Italian Lake
You are my supermodel legs
You are my Nobel prize;
You are my full night's sleep,
You're what money can't buy.
Isn't it true, though? When life is done, will we care about the jewels or the pearls or the designer jeans? Or have the ultimate satisfaction of knowing what we did was most important. Money can't buy that.
Hence, this on our wall (too bad not only can I not spell "important," I didn't even notice my mistake for over a year! Guess it's not imporant.)
What are your "jewels?" This is so different for everyone, because we still need things that fill our own well, so we have enough to give.
