Table Topics and Pink

This is a little random for today.

One of my loyal readers (ha,ha, my cute NY sister) sent me a gift that she thought would help my project.  It has been awesome!  I can't believe what stimulating and enlightening conversations we are now having at dinner.  Each card has a question-- they are called "Table Topics."  The questions are simple, but somebody did their homework because they work!  One night I was really laughing about how heated (in a good way) the conversation was about what they like to do at recess.  And practical for eating because the cards are protected from spaghetti fingers by a pretty clear box.

Speaking of acts of service, I've done my school shopping the last two years about a month after school and gotten some killer deals.  Like some cute cotton shirts at GAP for $3 and $5.  I always struggle finding P.E. shoes for my girls that are still feminine and cute, until I found these at a discount retailer for a great price.

My one well filler for last month, a splurge tube of NARS lipstick I read about on this cute girl's blog.  I haven't bought lipstick for 3 years.  So it's been fun and I even got a compliment today!  This tube was MIA for a few days, until I found what looked like some shady marks on the walls and carpet in a few places.  Luckily the lipstick did eventually turn up and wasn't as much worse for the wear as I thought it would be.  :)  And it came out of everything but the carpet.

The lipstick color is Roman Holiday.  I love it!  Just a touch of pink that feels updated without being crazy.

Happy weekend!  Have any fall weekend plans? For us:  soccer, a wedding, and some religion.

Month 6

I can't believe at the end of this month I will be halfway through a year!  It has flown by.  So far, my life feels so much more full and happy and I can see a big difference in my kids and myself.

I'm going to do something a little similar to what I did in one other month.  I'm taking the first week for organization and then I'll annnounce what I'll be working on for the few weeks after the week is over.

This week:

1 - Make a schedule for the year.  I'm always wanting to be more purposeful about how we spend time together, so I'm actually going to plan it out.  No more looking back and thinking, I wanted to give my kids more cultural experiences, but the year flew by before I knew it!  I'm going to plan out specifics.  (I've already worked on this a few hours, I just need to finish it!)

2 - Make a prioritized vacation list with my husband for the next ten years.  Since we only do one vacation a year, this should be pretty easy. (The Parenting Breakthrough has me inspired to do more planning from back to front)

3 - Update my kids school job charts.

4 - Plan a family home evening schedule for the year. 

5 - Refine my budget.

6 -  Go over my daily schedule, either refine it or make a morning/evening routine list to help manage or mornings and evenings. (Including a routine for and a set place for homework)

I have already worked on something today (see top photo).  I've been wanting to help my kids get in a better routine with piano and jobs and homework but I don't want to nag.  TV/computer (I cut the kids back to 1 hour a day in the summer) is a powerful motivator but we have a screen free rule on weeknights.  We try to make movie night on Friday special to make up for it.  But this means the kids are mostly motivated to do their jobs on Friday and Saturday and not during the week, because there is no incentive.  So, I'm going to try this.  I made "movie tickets" that they must present in order to come to the movie on Friday night.  They must have them filled out with their practice time and have done jobs and homework each day in order to attend.

On a side note, I'm so excited for the coming month.  I love Halloween and the leaves and the cooller weather.  Fall is my favorite.  Plus, I'm taking advantage of the fact my baby still gets to wear those cute tight PJ's.  These are new and he couldn't stop saying "truck" and "tractor!" 

What motivates your kids? What is your favorite part of the fall season? 

If you want an electronic copy of our "movie ticket," email me and I'll send it to you.  Probably I'm the only one out there who needs something like this! 

What I Learned, Month 5, Showing Love Through Acts of Service

This month I involved God a little more in the selection of what I was to work on, and this has been my best experience yet. 

I learned:

1)  By showing more love to my kids, I feel more love...and I think the feeling is mutual!

2)  I was doing many more acts of service than I thought I was-- the simple act of recognizing each thing I do for them as an act of love changed my approach and their reception...dramatically changing the feeling of my day and changing my whole perspective about what I do every day.  Even ordinary tasks like laundry and dishes are easier and more meaningful when I realize I am contributing to my little one's well-being and happiness and self-esteem!

3)  Little things can make a big difference-- paying attention to a child's favorite color (when purchasing clothing or something similar), adding that tiny sweet or note to their lunch once in a while, doing an ordinary activity with extra love, focus, and attention can make a big difference in every one's day.

4)  Even some of the harder acts of service (for me, being a chauffeur) can become easier if I think about what I want to help my child become.

5)  It helped me to imagine the way I felt as a child when someone did something kind for me...I especially envisioned my own parents and remembered the things they did that I appreciated, even though I didn't always express thanks at the time. 

6)  Doing acts of service can be exhilarating and habit forming!

7)  Everything I sacrifice for my kids comes back to me plus some when I see the happiness in their faces.

8)  Recognize that what I do does make a difference.  A huge difference.  Don't forget that on discouraged days.  I realized one of Satan's biggest weapons against mothers is to make them think that what they do doesn't really matter.

Little things, done with love, can change my kids lives forever for the better.

I loved this month!   

(the photos are of my nieces)

How I'm Learning to Make the Most of Busy Days

We're getting back into the thick of it.  And with four out of my five kids in something now, let me tell you, it is thick.  I never know that perfect balance between too few and too many extra curricular activities.  I really believe it is important not to over-schedule kids, as it robs them of those childhood moments to learn, play, and grow.  I read a book once-- Einstein Never Used Flashcards, it really emphasized the learning that is going on during simple play-- that our kids need some unstructured, creative, curiosity-led time for optimum development.  (see the schedule of another mother of five kids here)

But, like I said, I never know the perfect balance.  I feel that allowing my kids one sport and one musical instrument shouldn't be over-scheduled, but some days it sure feels like it!  This is one I'm still trying to figure out.

Once one has decided upon the right balance for their family and each individual child, there is still the act of taking children back and forth to these activities.  While some acts of service are easy for me, such as making birthdays special and comforting a sick or hurt child, the act of busing my kids around is hard for me.  I think it goes back in part to the interruption factor-- one must interrupt dinner, other kid's homework and other things to take kids back and forth.  (it took me 2 days to make a pie for my friend for this reason)

So, in order to have a good attitude about this activity, I've brainstormed a list to help me be positive about this particular act of service.

1)  Make simple meals and plan ahead.  Otherwise, it is too tempting to eat unhealthily and also expensively.

2)  Make the most of time in the car.  This could include a favorite audio book, CD, or discussion.  This is a great time to talk, re-connect and be together since everyone is in a confined space.

3)  Take time to enjoy the journey and not just the destination-- this is a time to look around (within reason) and enjoy the seasons.

4)  Be mindful of the good things about my particular situation. 

For me this week, that meant:

*  Enjoying the outdoors-- the mountains were breathtaking in all their autumn glory!  And I got to sit outside and enjoy it all, which I wouldn't have done if we didn't have a soccer game to attend.
*  Recognizing my other kids get extra outside play time when we travel to sports events.
*  My kids also get a chance to learn how to interact with kids they don't know.
*  Realizing that while I'm watching a game I also get to hold my little ones more than I would if I were home.

5)  Plan and prioritize.  Make time for homework, play, and other activities.  If you are too busy for homework or church activities, then maybe it is time to think of cutting back. 

6)  Ultimately recognize the growth of self-esteem and worth in your child as he/she learns to make and set goals, be a team player, and learn a new skill.  If I look to the long-term person my child is becoming, those small sacrifices don't seem so great.

Again, I'm looking back to my own childhood, and remembering that I don't remember my parents complaining about this kind of stuff.  And I don't want to make my kids feel like a burden by complaining about it either.  So I'm going to make the best of it.  And maybe it will just make the best of all of us.

How do you make the best of busy days shuttling little people around?

PS, if you need a laugh today, read this.  It reminded me of my husband, who also says things like this.  Sort of. 

These Are My Jewels, Um, Designer Jeans-- What Mothers Sacrifice

I've been thinking a lot lately about a favorite talk of mine.  It's like a mini-parenting Bible condensed into a few wise words.  The man who gave it felt like a father to me, even though I had never met him.  But I learned so many things from his wise counsel and his warmth and his wittiness (learning just as much in a different way, from this man right now).  When he died, it took me a long time to get over missing him, as it were.

Okay, I'm already off the subject! And I haven't even started!

In his talk, These, Our Little Ones, Gordon Hinkley tells of a woman, who, in Rome, was sitting with some women as they compared their jewels with one another.  When asked, a widow named Cornelia answered, gesturing at her children, "these are my jewels."  They grew up to be the Graachi, two of the "most effective and persuasive reformers in Roman history (here)."  All because their mom loved them and believed that her most important job was being their mother. 

All of us give up things to be a mother (even the very worst mothers give up something!).  One day I realized, that while I love this story, I am not in the slightest bit tempted by jewels.  Every year as the holidays roll around and those touchy-feely commercials come on about someone who went to "Jared," I always gag, bleuch.  The last thing I would want my husband to spend a bunch of money on is an expensive jewel necklace that would soon be lost or broken.  (now the gorgeous earrings my sister brought me from Australia, that I wear every day, are an exception!)

So I thought....what are my jewels?  What do I choose to give up in my mothering for the well-being of my children?  (this is so different for everyone!  what may be a jewel for someone is a much needed well-filler for someone else!)

Okay, here is my short (long) list:  more education (some day!).   Wearing designer clothes.  Or even something that is not old or needs to be ironed!  Wearing dresses (see below!  I actually got to wear a dress last Sunday, didn't notice it had spots on it until I looked at the picture!  ha ha).  Since I have been nursing, I compute at the moment, a total of nearly 8 of the last 11 years, this means I have had to give up dresses for now.  A full night's sleep.  Ugly legs due to my varicose veins from pregnancy.  Travel.  Piano  (I still get some travel and piano in limited doses). Learning how to make quilts and other sundry DIY projects.  A clean, chaos-free house and a weed-free yard!  Money.  To buy new cars instead of used ones, wait less than 12 years for new couches :).  Alone time.  Enough said.  Humanitarian aid -- there is so much I want to do!  Tending to my basic needs, like eating, sleeping, and using the bathroom. 

YET.  I feel way more than compensated for those things I have given up.  I feel more beautiful knowing I have sacrificed for someone else.  I feel smarter having had the opportunity of explaining the world to my little ones.  My perspective has changed so much-- making my life of movies and malls and cards with my husband before kids sound so empty and dull (and we sure appreciate each date now!  For more about how motherhood has changed my perspective, see here).  I wouldn't trade that good night's sleep for watching my beautiful child, who has grown with my nourishment and care, sleep like a little angel.

I didn't mean for this post to be so long.

Here are a couple of poems on this subject:

Italian Lake
You are the trip I did not take,
You are the pearls I cannot buy;
You are my blue Italian Lake;
You are my piece of foreign sky.
-- Anne Campbell

And my own version, which I thought would be easy, and funny, and wasn't either.

My Italian Lake
You are my supermodel legs
You are my Nobel prize;
You are my full night's sleep,
You're what money can't buy.

Isn't it true, though?  When life is done, will we care about the jewels or the pearls or the designer jeans?  Or have the ultimate satisfaction of knowing what we did was most important.  Money can't buy that.

Hence, this on our wall (too bad not only can I not spell "important," I didn't even notice my mistake for over a year!  Guess it's not imporant.)

What are your "jewels?"  This is so different for everyone, because we still need things that fill our own well, so we have enough to give.

A Sunday Autumn Afternoon

Service Month Update & I Can't Do This Alone

Results have been mixed this month, as with all the months that have gone on before. :)  Some things are going great.  My kids have had their hair done nearly every day and my big kids have taken home lunches to school every day.

So, packing lunches is a big victory for us.  In part due to the fact that I paid $0 into a lunch money account, forcing us to make those lunches every day!

I have loved refocusing my attention on making the little acts of service I do special for each child.  Just today I picked out a jacket for one daughter who needed it, and I remembered her new favorite color from the day I asked them about their favorite things. 

Are you ready for some excuses?  I've also hardly slept for 2 and a half weeks now, as baby learned to crawl out of his crib (prompting an emergency floor mattress placement), then caught a cold, and my three year old has been having bad dreams.  I've been getting up probably anywhere from 3 to 7 times a night, and serving as a human binkie the other half of the night.  (I go back and forth about being ready to give up nursing)  Yet I've tried to enjoy it, snuggling with little ones and realizing this isn't forever (please?).

We've also been adjusting to a crazy new schedule that nearly gave me a panic attack one day.  I've been so busy as we've readjusted to activities such as dance and soccer.  I called my mom and my husband one day, wondering what I should do.  I don't believe in being super busy (on top of that, I really hate being busy!).  I think kids need time to play.  And it's so hard to eat healthy when I'm busy.  And when one kid is busy, all of us are, because we have to shuttle that one child around.  This has been the hardest thing for me to have a good attitude about. 

Three things:  1) I prayed about this months focus before I chose it, and now I can see God's foresight.  In part because of what I'd have to go through with getting up at night and our new schedule.  So I'd look at them in their proper light with a decent attitude.  2)  I'm deciding that after simplifying as much as possible, I need to make the best of our crazy schedule, like finding ways to make it more pleasant, ie, listening to children's audio books in the car.  3)  While focusing on acts of service, its ironically been easier to know when to step back and let my children do something for themselves.

Overall, great month, I feel this huge welling love for my kids, now I just need to figure out how to get some sleep!

How do you handle it when your little ones get up in the night?  Which acts of service are easiest for you?  Hardest?