Little Things

I'm afraid you are over-saturated with our little health crisis over here.  Sorry, it should get better soon. :)

I took these photos the day after she came home.  It was such a relief that she is okay that the simple act of seeing her coloring touched me and I pulled out the camera.  These little things are so easy to miss on a normal day, but on this day I was taking photos at every angle (lol), and just generally enjoying watching the care she put into the various stages of her picture coloring, right down to crayon selection.  Thanks for indulging my reel of similar looking photographs, this momma was just so happy and relieved to have this little girl home again, even if her hair hadn't been washed for a really long time. :)

Parting Hospital Images

Here are some parting images from the hospital.

When I arrived on her last day in the hospital, she was practicing walking with a physical therapist in the stairwell.  She was in really good spirits.  She showed me the "White House" where the "president lives." Hm.  She loved the view.  I let her use my good camera (I probably wouldn't let her use it on a good day, and here she was on her little excited wobbly legs and I let her snap away.  Think a near-death experience (exaggeration) turned me back into a softie?)

She caught me off guard with this one.  Its funny because they had a photo in the elevator that I got to see a zillion times, an ad for a stress class-- it was a photo of a woman, presumably a parent, closing her eyes and supposedly taking a deep breath.  She looked how I felt, I thought.  But then I noticed her neck veins.  They were super bulgy.  I couldn't stop fixating on the bulgy neck veins, weird as it sounds, the millions of times I kept seeing that photo.  And here I am, unconsciously chin holding and forehead wrinkling.  Maybe if there was a side view my neck veins would be bulging.

Why don't I mind that she is taking pictures of stuff like this?  I found a million pictures of gummy bears arranged in various creative arrangements on my phone the day after she was admitted, and I'm pretty sure she is the culprit. Normally I get a bit annoyed by the commandeering of my phone, but I found myself hoping she'd be back soon taking photos of gummy bears and my dark closet (pure black photos, not kidding).  I'm just so happy she is "back."  So happy for evidence of it.

 Painted her nails on day #3.  The "activity cart" people were emotional life savers.

This book made her laugh for the first time in a few days.  We read Curious George Goes to the Hospital and she kept laughing and saying "that's just like me!"  But she laughed hardest when George got a shot.

Stopped to get her a little treat on the way home, only she had conked out.  Happy as she had been, I remembered that she is still a bit fragile and recovering.  Her little hands (!).  They've been poked a lot this week, and she was such a trooper about it.

That little face.  I had lots of time to stare at her sleeping on that first night, in the dark, while I held her little trembling knee.  I got to see again just how beautiful she is.  And how much she means to me.  I hoped and prayed for this moment so hard.  For her to come home in her little purple coat, okay.  What a gift these little people are.

Home

That's the my little girl, finally!  Its so good to see her little personality back, even if it means she was "copying" the doctor and giggling.   (one reason our house has been so "boring"-- as the other kids said-- over the last four days)

The CRP test marker they were looking at finally came down (whew!) and she can walk in a limpy/wobbly way that is getting better and better.

She came home this afternoon, and will be on antibiotics for the next few weeks, with a follow-up X-ray in a couple.  The one weird thing that still freaks me out a little is that she still has a little odd breathing pattern, with a periodic lull followed by a really deep breath.  The doctor said it is a side effect of the anesthesia and should get better.

Thank you thank you for all the well wishes, prayers, and even the little treats, cards, calls, and meals.  Its so nice to know we are cared about by so many wonderful people.

Another Quick Update

The docs thought that the cute little girl needed to stay one more day.  She is much more herself today-- she has even been able to walk a little in a shaky sort of way.  The MRI looked good, but she has a blood marker that should be half of what it is.  They think things are looking good but there is still a slight possibility that if that number doesn't come down by tomorrow, that they'll have to re-open her hip and look for any infection that they may have missed the first time.  I'm really really hoping they don't have to do that, we should know more in the morning.

The ups and downs have been hard, and I have felt so badly for the kids I have to keep leaving at home, especially the baby, but I have really enjoyed having time with her, and today we had a wonderful stretch of afternoon sun.

Little Girl Update

I think I've been through all ranges of human emotions over the last few days.   Gotten a little bit of perspective and a realization just how important one little six year-old human being is to me.

On Sunday, she had some leg pain that progressed to a trip to the ER.

Yesterday morning she had surgery on her hip.  They cleaned the joint in an effort to prevent what has the potential to cause permanent damage, after an ultrasound-guided needle inserted into her joint revealed a possible infection (during the first night in the ER).  When we first arrived in the ER, they did blood work and a regular X-ray, the most traumatizing event of the night, because they had to try to bend her knee and rotate it outward (cringe cringe cringe as I listen helplessly to her scream, since I couldn't be in the room! this made me feel so bad for her!)  All night she was in terrible pain, screaming and gnashing her teeth together, even after they gave her Morphine.  Then she had an ultrasound that showed quite a bit of fluid surrounding her femur.  After they pulled out some of the fluid via the ultrasound + needle, she finally slept sporadically and stopped the periodic screaming she had been doing since late afternoon the day before.  Her leg kept giving her painful spasms, so she wanted my hand on her knee as much as possible that night.

At 4 am the Orthopedic doc said they needed to operate right away due to the nature of the fluid they found in her joint.  He said "this is considered an orthopedic emergency."  Of course we were hoping to avoid surgery, but the alternative-- quick and permanent damage to her joint-- was worse (he said they can't even afford to wait for culture results to get back).

She came out of surgery about 10am.  She kept retching and was still really out of it for a while, I'm sure in part because she had slept so little the night before.  By afternoon she was a groggy sort of awake and got to watch a bunch of movies (it made me laugh that she wanted to watch Cupcake Wars much more than the movie I brought).

Miguel and I have taken turns with her and we've had family here to help (such a godsend!).  The hospital won't let any kids under 14 in to see her because we're in RSV season right now.  That has caused its own little problem.   So I took home some crestfallen tired ones when they were told they couldn't come in to see her, and I found out that later that afternoon one sister had locked herself in my closet.  She was especially affected by her sister's absence and worried and upset that she couldn't see her (see last post!).  I realized that the last time they saw her, she was being hauled away at night, screaming in pain.

Last night Miguel slept in the hospital with her and all the rest of the kids but one opted to sleep in my room or in my bed.  When I had left her the day before, they were concerned that her heart rate was still high (hovering around 150-160, ocassionally going even higher) and tested her to make sure she had no bacteria in her bloodstream.  Right now she is having an MRI to determine whether the infection is gone or whether they have to go back in and clean it out.

Thanks for the kind wishes from many of you.  Keep praying for her, we need it. :)

A Little Drama

So sorry, I was going to post goals today but I literally was up all night in the ER, minus a couple few minute snatches of head-against-the-wall sleep.

For an account of yesterday's happenings, read what my oldest daughter wrote on her (private) blog:

"Yesterday my little sister woke up and her leg started hurting. She could limp around a bit, but by midday all she did was lay in bed. We got her downstairs on the couch, and whenever someone would touch her toes up to her hip [anywhere on her leg] she would scream. Soon she would scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream no matter what. My mom took her to the hospital. I didn't go to sleep till 11:00 and woke up at 1:30. I couldn't sleep for 40 minutes. Then, my youngest brother woke me up. after that I literally slept 30 minutes. My dad told me she had septic hip or something like that, and she went through surgery this morning.

A few questions she kept asking [after anesthesia]:

Why do you have two heads?

Why does the doctor have two heads?

Was that a dream?

Was it this bad when Isa broke her leg?

She is supposed to be in the hospital for two days and I am not allowed to see her (!!!!!!!!)."

Scary night!  She had what I thought was a leg ache yesterday, but got so bad she couldn't walk or stop crying.   It's been a little nerve wracking, but she is doing well now.  More later. 

Month 9 Round-Up

So sorry, I had something fun planned for today but I cannot get it to work!  Darn, something to look forward to for another day.

So I'll just give you an old boring round-up for this month instead.  This month I worked on being a better disciplinarian.  It was kind of a joke (again you say?  I know I know).

I did make a list of all the discipline scenarios I see most days.  This was much easier than I thought.  All I had to do was set out a pen and paper for an afternoon and record the different challenges I faced as I went about my usual business.  I discovered that they are the same set of challenges I face pretty much every day!  Here is the list: turning on the TV before chores are done, doing something after being specifically told not to :), not getting off comptuer/TV when time is up, whining, not coming to dinner when I call (after, like 4 times!), eating foods intended for special occasions, poor manners, taking food out of the kitchen, not cleaning up after self, not getting chores done, reading after bed time, getting out of bed (sometimes quite a few times!), fighting over a toy or seat at the dinner table, screaming, hitting (little cute new tantrummer, I'm looking at you!), and ignoring basic personal hygiene.

I also made a rule list (only I'm not going to admit how late in the month I did it!).  Here it is, open to improvisation or improvement (I wanted it to be fairly simple, so even little kids can understand, and easily distilled into a few overarching principles, marked in bold...I also tried to frame things positively, though the very first rule isn't framed that way, just couldn't resist the Cars reference):

Here is a small sample of the list:

Respect  

For others and possessions.

No bitin’, no hittin’, no scratchin’, no takin’ toys, no spittin’, no screamin'.

Eat and keep food at the dinner table, please.  When you are finished, clear your things and a few more.

Show respect to others by using please, thank you, excuse me, and polite table manners.

Respect others, their homes, rules and possessions, too.

So, here is the sort of fail part.  I have learned how helplessly hopelessly I need to work on this.  Just being aware did not help in this case.  It made it worse, because seeing how badly we need a little discipline around here made me less patient.  So I tried to turn on the more authoritative me, and I stink at it.  I don't know how to do authoritative without being grouchy.  Or follow through more and be empathetic and loving about it.  The one exception is the tip I got from The Five Love Languages of Children-- to express love in some form when disciplining the child, ie, giving a hug on the way to a time-out, or saying "I love you."  That has become relatively easy for me, even when I'm angry, but I've been working on that for over a year now (I just don't put them in time out nearly enough, giving lots of chances in an increasingly distressed Mom voice).

So my month on trying to do better (and I know I'm just getting started, as the rules are just now being solidified) actually culminated, last night, in an ugly cross-the-line losin' it on my part in a dark, slushy Wal-Mart parking lot.  Yes, I lost it.  So lets just say this is something I will probably be working on until the day I die.

Happy happy weekend everyone!