A Little Disruption

I was sitting on the sofa yesterday, nursing the little one, when I happened to glance toward the other end, where there rested a well-used baseball, just sitting there peacefully.

But I wasn't necessarily feeling peaceful.  I was feeling a little twinge-y and a little anxious.  I was facing two looming disruptions to my little happy life.  One, that my baby is getting too big to nurse any more.  And another, that my oldest son has his junior high orientation at the school today.  Two big reminders that whether I like it or not, these guys are growing up.  Am I ready for the new territory we'll be treading?  For all the wonderful, exciting, scary things a teenager faces through some turbulent growing years? (and is he?  I hope so!)  And am I ready to let go of babies?  As special as it has been, that my time for babies is coming to a close?  (I'm not completely ready to say this yet, just ask my husband, who faces tears every time he asks me if we can get rid of the baby clothes, swings, bassinets)

Yet, in some small ways, I am ready.  I've donated my body to science for over 12 years now.  I am ready to own it again, albeit in new form.  I'm ready to have a little more energy.  I'm ready to play with my kids as they grow.  And I'm not, too.  Its a good thing I still have a little time left.  I'm ready to do some projects with fewer interruptions and to be able to do a few things I've been waiting for for years.  And SO glad all my opportunities aren't gone just yet, to be a mom to these great kids, and that I need these little twinge-y reminders once in a while, as much as they are hard.

So I read this article by a very successful Wall Street investment banker about disrupting yourself in order to progress as a person and within a career.  It made me think.  These little times in life, when a disruption threatens to turn my world upside down, are an opportunity.  An opportunity to look back and remember the good and the bad, to weave the threads into my soul, and appreciate how they have made me who I am.  The regrets and the triumphs all lumped together.  And if we don't have disruptions, then what is there to stop the spinning of the wheel, to see what has been made, to reassess, to go forward in new directions with new choices that can make the next period of time productive and sweet?

So even though I feel a little sad about some of the times that are gone, and the disruptions make me feel all funny inside,  insecure and unsteady for a minute, I'm thankful for them.  They also give me clarity, an opportunity to choose my life all over again, to make changes, and to make the best of this life and opportunities I've been given.  To make sure I realize that worn baseballs won't be in the air forever, so I need to enjoy watching their flight while I can.