The Effect of Stress on Parents and Kids - Finding a Safety Valve

Today I took a break from the blood-pressure raising environment of Facebook and took my little ones to the park.  :)  The weather here has been gorgeous, and I have wanted to soak it up as long as I possibly can!  We drove a bit to a different park than we normally visit, which sits between a brick oven pizza place and a fountain.  The air was perfect, the sun warm on our faces and arms and backs.  Tinny music played from a distant radio, the clunk-clunk sounds of builders echoed off nearby buidings, and the sun filtered through gold and brown leaves just-hanging delicately to half- bare trees.  It smelled of warmed rubber and pizza crust toasted brick brown.  (I was feeling really thankful for the free smells) 

(this tree picture is from a different day.  I am just loving the lingering beauty in my part of the woods!)

The baby could hardly contain his excitement, running and giggling and running and giggling and running and....giggling.  Cute little three year-old was more measured and deliberate about where she chose to spend her time, but no less happy.  I enjoyed following their bliss, lifting little ones down from stranded high places or climbing through tunnels or going down the slide with our arms in the air (the baby especially love to watch me do this).  Is it just me, or is acting like a kid again so much fun sometimes?  Letting those inhibitions free and just...jumping.  When was the last time you...jumped?  Well, I don't really jump very often.  I haven't read Gretchen Rubin's new book (Happier at Home), though I mean to, but I know that was one of her resolutions just from reading the synopsis.  Today I tried it out a little.  It made me happy.  How can you feel down when you jump?

So I've been thinking about something.  I've been reading Simplicity Parenting.  I'm not very far into it yet.  But I have been learning about stress and what it does to us.  When kids are subjected to stress for a long period of time, all sorts of negative things happen.  They suffer from more anxiety, perform more poorly on tests, and act out or behave more aggressively, showing less empathy overall.  They also have less impulse control.  They can even get a form of PTSD (I can't remember the clinical term in kids and I'm too lazy to go up to my room to get the book).  All from being overscheduled and over hurried without time to think, play, unwind, and be a kid.

Incidentally, this also happened to me.  I was actually diagnosed with a form of traumatic stress disorder from a very stressful period in my life (a couple of years ago).  We did two building projects ourselves within a few years, moved 7 times in nine years, while I was having my dear babies.  The final straw was moving, having a baby two weeks later, moving again 6 months later into a house that needed a lot of work.  I had a little mini breakdown with all the symptoms listed above.  This is one of the reasons that part of my efforts to be a good parent includes a personal safety valve, what I call well-filling activities.  I think that is one reason this project has been an overall success so far.  While there is always more I want to do as a parent (you can probably tell by my millions of over-ambitious goals many months), its nice to have that little safety valve to keep things real.  So I can keep up the marathon pace I need to be what my kids need forever, and not just right now.

Which activities are a stress reliever, well filler, safety valve for you?  Today, for me, it was taking time to relax with my kids at the park.  We even stayed a little extra time, ate white bread smushed into various shapes that my three year-old had packed into a gallon ziploc bag with some juice boxes.  (yet enjoying those free smells!)  Blogging has been therapeutic for me too.  What are yours?

What is a good stress reliever for your kids?  How can you tell when they are not getting enough "kid" time?  Do you have a hard time saying no like I do?  It really seems to take such concerted effort!

A Parting Glance at Halloween

 A few things that happened right before or after Halloween at our house.

We received a mysterious shipment of wands from Ollivander's shop (a friend far away).  The kids wer so stoked to get these handmade wands.  Aren't they beautiful?  Ah, I love having thoughtful, crafty friends!  You can make wands that look like these with paper (though these are made of real wood), its not too hard, see this link.  We made our own a few years ago for a Harry Potter party, inspired by this very friend!

My husband had some cream soda sitting in the fridge that we were mysteriously told was for a Halloween treat.  One night my husband called us down from getting ready for bed and we discovered he had made Butterbeer for everyone.  Just like the Butterbeer that we loved at Universal Studios Wizarding World of Harry Potter earlier this year.  Yuuuuuuuummmmmmm....(after eating an entire bag of Costco Halloween candy, just me, yes, just me, this is the last thing I needed, but it was so good!)  See here for a recipe, though there are tons out there.  I'm pretty sure my husband used the easier version toward the bottom.

The week before Halloween, it was my husband's idea to go on a little outing to see some old homes-- a street full of homes on the national historic register.

On our walk this little girl found a stick shaped like a rake, quickly raked some leaves together, and started jumping into the "pile."

Have you recovered from your candy coma yet?  What do you do with leftover candy?  I get to a point where I throw ours away so I'll quit eating it, but I haven't done that yet this year.

Halloween Number 2

We enjoyed a gorgeous Halloween evening as the sky deepened into a beautiful indigo, lights from flickering jack-o-lanterns and torches filtering through the darkness, the shouts of excitement and children's delight hanging thick in the air.  We shut up the house, left the porch light on and our spooky candelabra flickering in the window (battery powered), set out a paper plate stacked high with goodies, and attempted to corral our excited children as we set off together.  

We made it around the block, picked up a mummy and some friends along the way, then wended our way home, where we piled in the car and drove to a friend's house.  There we found our friend handing out cotton candy.  As she swirled the colored spun sugar in cotton puffs around and around for a wiggly line of children, lit by a lone lantern, the darkness thick around the edges, some kids tried out the makeshift haunted house in the garage.  They could choose "big scary," "medium scary," or "low scary."  My kids had to try all three, and each time they came out giggling to each other.  On the ride home, we found out our nine year-old had poked one of the "actors" with her sword.  The actor then said a surprised "oh." 

We realized we have never been to a haunted house with the kids-- and had to explain that you don't mess with the scary people, as those ones are our friends and neighbors in disguise, no matter how disgusting they may appear on Halloween night.  My husband and I had a sort of horrified snort-suppressing laugh at that little incident.  We finished the night over a hot bowl of chili with some other friends and yawning droopy sugar coma voices in the car on the way home.

How was your night?  Do you trick-or-treat?  Hand out candy?  Or hide in the dark and wait for all of it to go away?  :)

Happy Halloween!

(She is not happy about the cape that goes to this costume.  I had to bribe her to wear it just once for a picture!  See the final photo of this post for a happier witch face)

Here are some preliminary Halloween photos from our house.

Just in case you were wondering, pictured, from left to right: Annabeth Chase (from the Lightning Thief), a bumblebee, a witch, and a nerd.  This nice calm picture does not reflect our crazy morning running around the house from top to bottom (literally) searching for all those last minute costume must-haves.

This year I have a nerd and a bird!  Ha ha.  This bird did not want to be parted from Mom, especially for a silly picture.

What crazy mother schedules a well check on Halloween?  Me, apparently.  After our crazy morning and school parade we hustled on over to the doctor.  I love this picture of my little bird checking out the fishies.

The doctor and his staff were dressed as Smurfs!  My kids are obviously embarrassed and horrified to be in pictures with such silly grown-ups.

He is thinking, I know what you are about to do to me, lady!  Why would I want to smile for a photo as if I don't!

We are trying really hard to maintain our goal of home lunches for an entire year.  Today we had no time to make them, so I picked a little something up on the way.  Not healthier, but I figured it could be a reward for all those healthy lunches every day this year!  The kids were thrilled.

Still trying to "get in the picture!"  My head is cut off a little because I asked this cute girl's friend to snap a photo (still too embarrassed to ask adults sometimes, especially that scary lunch lady).

Love these kiddos and their friends.

Now that's better!

Happy Halloween everyone!  Still praying for you East Coasters!

This Month's Goals - Month 7

This month I'm going to work on a few different things.

1 - Follow a consistent schedule.  I made myself a schedule last month as I was organizing.  In past years, I function best with a planned day.  Otherwise I get tunnel vision and waste time on whatever I'm focused on in the moment.  I tried a schedule in the summer and it didn't work.  I'm going to try focusing more energy on it this time in hopes that it will work and help me be more efficient, giving me more time for what matters most, especially my family!  I'm going to keep in the back of my mind that the schedule is a guideline and people always come first.

2 -  Pay better attention to how I show affection to my children through physical touch-- another of the five love languages.  This is not a hard thing for me with my little ones (so easy to shower little hugs and kisses on those little cheeks!), I just want to be more conscious and aware of how much affection my older kids are getting.  I've also become aware that some of my kids crave more physical affection than others (um, a little girl who wants to sit in my lap at every meal, who hangs on me when I'm changing diapers, you get the picture), and make sure I tailor this to each individual child's needs.

3 - For my own well filling:  drink 8 glasses of water a day and start a reading a book that pushes me intellectually and is outside my normal comfort zone.  :)

4 - For my husband:  hold his hand more.  :)

I also have something I'm going to work on from a religious perspective but it would probably bore you. :)

Have a wonderful Halloween!  I hope you weren't caught in the storm on the East Coast, and if you were, I hope you and your loved ones are okay (I thought of you constantly!).  As long as we are ok, I enjoy those crazy times when we have no power because we have some good bonding times together (even the time our house flooded one week before I was due with my fifth baby!).  How do you feel about crazy storms? 

Spooky Dinner

Every year we have a "spooky" dinner.  We have always held it the night of Halloween, but this year we decided to try having it on a different night.  The kids have always loved this tradition.  I love how my husband really gets into it, too.  In past years he has been the genius behind the food, except for the homemade root beer (made with dry ice in our plastic cauldron), which is my job (recipe here).  This year I prepared it with the kiddos before he got home from work.  Mostly, we rename normal foods with gross names.  But we also have a few just-for-Halloween treats.  This year we debuted our new brain jell-o mold with mixed results.  We usually have spaghetti (calling it brains) but this year we had cheese fondue, (yuuuumm) one of my favorites.  My kids helped a lot and my son made this cute menu all on his own. 

We told them to act crazy for the following photos, but they didn't really need any encouragement-- they were so excited.

MENU

1…..Coffin Carrots

2…..Witch’s Eyeballs

3…..Zombie Fingers

4…..Pus Stew

5…..Fresh Monster Brain

6…..Witch’s Fingers

7…..Toad Warts

8…..Bunnicula Veggies

9…..Bat Wings

10…..Severed Giants Toes

If you don’t like our menu, you’re always welcome to become part of it!

Notice: a pest aguia inc. and associates are not responsible for any illnesses, maladies, or any changing of shape that may occur when eating our products. When you walk into our facilities you must be aware you are on our property and are subject to what we may do to you including: torture, grinding, and other various things that, strangely, most customers do not like.

What are your Halloween traditions?

Portrait of a Boy at 18 Months

 Oops, there goes my balloon.

I couldn't get this little cutie to sit still for even a couple of seconds at times!  He is a busy, busy boy right now.  But I love it.  And he sure loves his mom.  It is his artwork you see in the background of these photos.