You Is Kind, You Is Special, You Is Important

6/25/12:  I just realized I made a big oops!  Oh boy.  The quote from The Help is: "you is kind, you is smart, you is important."  Sorry.

Recently I read an article about this address, in which the son of David McCullough (one of my very favorite authors) told a high school graduating class that they were not special.

For full disclosure, I have not actually read his speech, only the write-up in the newspaper.  It got me thinking-- am I doing my kids a disservice by teaching them they are special?  (this is not a critique of his speech, just thoughts on what it means to be special :))

It depends on how you define special.  If you mean: entitled to benefits without working for them, better than others, teaching them their mediocre is great, or teaching them they deserve constant praise even when they haven't earned it, then yes that would be doing my kids a disservice (see here).

I have to admit, a popular kid's movie rubbed me the wrong way the first time I saw it, because of a line the gist of which is: saying everyone is special is the same as saying no one is.  Which is another way of saying only a few people are "special," which could lead to narcissism (I'm better than others) or low self esteem (I'm not one of the chosen few).  Either way, bad.  Why not believe everyone is special and unique in his or her own way?  Not that everyone has physical abilities worthy of being an Olympian, but that each person has unique potential to bless others if they work toward magnifying their own individual talents?  Those talents might be something as simple as being easy to get along with, forgiving others easily, being good with his/her hands.   Not everyone can be prime minister or a gold medalist, but anyone can be kind and hard working, for example.  Special is about working hard because you believe in your potential, not the opposite. 

I've learned that it's difficult for me to rise above what I believe about myself.  The times when I'm the most down on myself are times when I accomplish practically nothing.  When I believe in myself, I am more likely to achieve more and be more kind and positive with others along the way.

For me, special means: having intrinsic worth just by being alive, with endless potential as one of God's children.  Every child is special.


I loved the character Aibileen in The Help.  As the black maid to an impatient white mother, she worked every day to show love and compassion and kindness to the woman's little Mae Mobley, telling her every day "you is kind, you is special, you is important."  It pricked my heart a little, because I don't know how many times I've brushed my kids thoughtlessly aside in my busy or stressed moments (I know I can't be perfect, but I can be better), like Mae Mobley's mother.  Do I, even once in a day, or even a week, lovingly take them in my arms and tell them they are kind, special, and important?  Or do I get too caught up in making the sandwich, cleaning the bathroom, stocking the toilet paper cupboard :) to stop and remember to do this? That is why I'm doing this project, so I can look back with no regrets.  So my kids know, no matter what choices they make in life, or where life takes them, that I love them for who they are.  So they'll believe in themselves and work to become that.  Or not.  But at least I will have done my part.

If my kids believe that everyone is special and important, just for being alive, for breathing this air, then I hope they'll learn the most important lesson I want them to learn: helping others is one of the highest things we can reach for.  And it doesn't diminish me, it enhances me.  Because we are all unique and special in our own way, and that is wonderful.


I'm still a believer in consequences.  My child shouldn't get special treatment if he/she doesn't deserve it.  But whether the experts agree or not, I'm going to be telling my kids from now on just how kind, special, and important I think they are.  :)





What are your thoughts on being "special?"  Next week is a new month!  I'm excited for a new resolution and interested to evaluate this month and see what I've learned.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Update:  I found this link to do  DIY shirt for baby that says "I am Kind...I am Smart (ha ha)..." here.  So cute.

Short and Sweet

I was awakened in the middle of the night by a little dripping apparition who said, "mom, I frowed up strawberry ice cream all over my bed."  (we made homemade strawberry ice cream yesterday)  The nice thing was, I got to clean the mess up in the night without any interruptions and some quiet time to think.  :)

I have three sick kiddos today, and I feel I'm catching it, so I'm off to nap with baby. :)

Some ideas I had for positive affirmation, kids: write little notes and leave under pillow or in lunches.

Start off the day on a positive note: sing in the morning (idea from Happiness Project's Rubin, who says it puts her and kids in a good mood.

A parting thought about well-filling-- I've lost 5 pounds, my friend even noticed, and so did my husband.  I feel a lot better mentally and physically.  (still have 15 to go, though)

I'm more efficient in the morning now that I'm getting up earlier.  (just need to go to bed on time...so hard some days but definitely helps my patience levels)

Got a few new clothes at a local discount retailer.  It saved me money and time because I didn't have to drive downtown and I got some nice clothes for a big discount.  Its amazing how much cuter I feel when I have a new shirt or two.

Sing to Me, Baby

We were walking the aisles of our local grocery store, just me and my boys and a mini-shopping cart.   We laughed while we searched for free samples while the radio echoed above us-- a song I didn't know.  I had my lovely fashionable yellow scout shirt on, and my son had on his khaki one, which has blossomed with awards over the last few years.  He is getting so tall I can comfortably rest an arm on his shoulders.  With one arm around him (while he pushed the cart), and the other holding my squishable baby, I felt so great.  It was the end of a long few days, culminating in an urgent care/pizza night/rush off-to-pack-meeting evening.   I finally had antibiotics in my hand (again!) so my sweet baby can get over another ear infection (third in three months).  We laughed when we struck out on the pizza samples (darn), and I was suddenly possessed with the urge to twirl my boys around for a minute.  My ten year old, who is getting to the embarrassed stage, laughed and didn't seem embarrassed.  My baby's hair fluttered in the fake wind, his head tipped back, his little smile revealing tiny white baby teeth.

And it got me thinking about songs that make me feel positive about my kids or songs that help them feel my love or belief in them.  I'm not up on the latest music, so these are just a few I can think of:

1) You'll Be in My Heart (Phil Collins) from Tarzan -- this is my new favorite
2)  Just The Way You Are (Bruno Mars) - alone with him in the aisle, held my baby close and danced to this one in the grocery store when he was only two weeks old, trying to freeze time
3)  Baby Mine (from the CD Baby Mine)
4)  Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel) from the same CD (see here for a video that makes me cry!)

In light of my positive words time coming to a close soon, too quickly, I'm starting a new resolution-- I've wanted to do it forever, and I'm tired of waiting!  :)  I'm going to start singing to my children each night before bed.  I've already asked my hubby for extra help.  I don't think I can sing to each child every night, so I'm going to start with one per night, with a little short (5 min) chat afterward.  I hope this will help convey to them how much I love them.

I would love to add more to my positive words song playlist!  I'm sure you have some great suggestions!  Tell me.

Images of Childhood

I have to admit, before the weekend hit, I hit a wall.  I started thinking of all the things I could do with the extra time I've been spending with my kids.  Then we went to my parents for a couple of days, and had such a refreshing time, and it was so nice having some extra hands to help, hands that love the kids unconditionally too.  At one point, Isa was swinging on a bouncy polka-dot pogo stick hung from a tree.  Her face was filled with pure childlike happiness, and I realized I wanted to memorize this moment-- while all my kids are innocent and little.  Watch this from Gretchen Rubin about how "the days are long but the years are short."

I loved watching them play together and help each other.

Some day I'm even going to miss watching this little cutie wipe her nose on her shirt!

Picnic

I just love these guys. 

I realized that in my effort to speak more positively, I was driving myself crazy trying to remember all the new "rules" I'd learned about how to talk to kids. 

I'm still trying to do those things, but I realized the most important ingredient is love.  If they feel loved, I think they will forgive my imperfect parenting. 

After all, this project is about helping them reach their full potential, and feel loved, important, useful, and not about me and my parenting skills, or lack thereof.  :)