Happy Wednesday!
Almost forgot: for this months goals, I'm going to try letting you know as the month progresses, what the goals are. We'll see how it goes and what to do for next month.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Zoo Day
We had an impromptu zoo day last week. It was so great. It has been so nice to be able to get outside and enjoy the beautiful weather together! It threatened rain on the day we went to the zoo, which ended up being perfect. The animals were really active, the weather was cool, and it didn't end up raining after all!
Made out of Legos. Amazing.
An impromptu dance exhibition. Those socks! I told her to wear socks since her shoes had given her blisters the day before. Funny I didn't truly notice the socks she chose until I was editing these photos! Oh yes, and she is pioneering the backward shirt.
Little E. is practicing his photo bombing already.
Puddle: found. (later he found a complete huge mud puddle and was splashing all around in it while I was occupied with sister. I was so glad he had his little rain boots on! It ended up being no big deal.)
I love watching my little ones "discover" something for the first time!
Little boy was calling everything "a rabbit!" lol.
More Legos.
An after-zoo mini date indulgence with the little ones, in a restaurant at which I broke up with a boyfriend in college.
(For some reason this little girl was camera shy on our zoo day, and that is why the best photos here are spontaneous and blurry!)
Happy Wednesday!
Almost forgot: for this months goals, I'm going to try letting you know as the month progresses, what the goals are. We'll see how it goes and what to do for next month.
Happy Wednesday!
Almost forgot: for this months goals, I'm going to try letting you know as the month progresses, what the goals are. We'll see how it goes and what to do for next month.
Monday, June 3, 2013
A Walk
Friday, May 31, 2013
End of the Month Round-up
I'm sort of embarrassed to be coming here, again, to say...um, fail. All of this month's goals went out the window. Though we did do maintenance from other months, so I guess that is good.
I didn't intend to do so, but I spent this month reading a lot in an attempt to better understand my brain and my kids' brains. My husband would be like, you are reading another one (I think, ahem, seven books? can you say, still nursing? can't let go?)? I've learned so much about the hows and whys of ADD life, including adjusted schedules and routines to fit our own circumstance. For example, I've learned how important routines are (ha, funny), how important exercise is, and how important it is to structure one's environment to give reminders (now I know why I have become a religious user of the timer in the kitchen! could not survive without it, even if I have to put something in for two more minutes I always set it for that or else I forget and burn something!), how important it is to tack one task on to another, how important socialization is, how important it is to unlock the hidden potential and talents within ADD, and how (so obvious to me now!) important it is to be careful not to overdo it (poor concept of time and the like). I have gained a whole bunch of insight into myself and how I function, and have started accepting that I will just plain never be good at some things. I've already adjusted some other tasks and expectations-- all it took was a little encouragement to see just how miserable I was at "x" . And hyperfocus? I'm thinking that I need to structure my day to take advantage of hyperfocus, and accept how difficult it is for me to switch gears. So if I can give myself bigger chunks of time to do something, rather than a bunch of little ones that alternate (here is one example: I have read many times that someone with our family size should do laundry every day, but this just does not work for me. I think I'd rather have a mountain twice a week, than a string of clean/dirty laundry that never ends!)
I will do a post about the books I read soon, I don't know why I never read a book on the subject sooner! I've still had my ups and downs as I've alternated between a sense of relief (I finally know why I struggle with some things!), validation (there are many other people out there who have been through it to!), and, lets just admit it, sadness, as I mourn for what I've lost and mourn a bit for my kids who will have some struggles to face up to yet. Finally, peace, as I have realized that ADD presents a whole new range of opportunities and possibilities, just waiting to be unlocked, as I finally accept the things I can't do alone, as well as accepting the gifts that come with it too. Here is to a fresh start!
We have been enjoying the outdoors this week! It has been a really beautiful, cool, leave-your-windows-open-at-night-and-snuggle-up-under-the-covers (and rush around shutting them when the rain rolls in!) kind of week. The little ones and I have had some adventures. I love that they are still little and with me during the day. And I am so excited for school to get out! To have everyone all to myself, less schedules, and some warm weather to enjoy. Have a marvelous weekend, dear ones!
I didn't intend to do so, but I spent this month reading a lot in an attempt to better understand my brain and my kids' brains. My husband would be like, you are reading another one (I think, ahem, seven books? can you say, still nursing? can't let go?)? I've learned so much about the hows and whys of ADD life, including adjusted schedules and routines to fit our own circumstance. For example, I've learned how important routines are (ha, funny), how important exercise is, and how important it is to structure one's environment to give reminders (now I know why I have become a religious user of the timer in the kitchen! could not survive without it, even if I have to put something in for two more minutes I always set it for that or else I forget and burn something!), how important it is to tack one task on to another, how important socialization is, how important it is to unlock the hidden potential and talents within ADD, and how (so obvious to me now!) important it is to be careful not to overdo it (poor concept of time and the like). I have gained a whole bunch of insight into myself and how I function, and have started accepting that I will just plain never be good at some things. I've already adjusted some other tasks and expectations-- all it took was a little encouragement to see just how miserable I was at "x" . And hyperfocus? I'm thinking that I need to structure my day to take advantage of hyperfocus, and accept how difficult it is for me to switch gears. So if I can give myself bigger chunks of time to do something, rather than a bunch of little ones that alternate (here is one example: I have read many times that someone with our family size should do laundry every day, but this just does not work for me. I think I'd rather have a mountain twice a week, than a string of clean/dirty laundry that never ends!)
I will do a post about the books I read soon, I don't know why I never read a book on the subject sooner! I've still had my ups and downs as I've alternated between a sense of relief (I finally know why I struggle with some things!), validation (there are many other people out there who have been through it to!), and, lets just admit it, sadness, as I mourn for what I've lost and mourn a bit for my kids who will have some struggles to face up to yet. Finally, peace, as I have realized that ADD presents a whole new range of opportunities and possibilities, just waiting to be unlocked, as I finally accept the things I can't do alone, as well as accepting the gifts that come with it too. Here is to a fresh start!
We have been enjoying the outdoors this week! It has been a really beautiful, cool, leave-your-windows-open-at-night-and-snuggle-up-under-the-covers (and rush around shutting them when the rain rolls in!) kind of week. The little ones and I have had some adventures. I love that they are still little and with me during the day. And I am so excited for school to get out! To have everyone all to myself, less schedules, and some warm weather to enjoy. Have a marvelous weekend, dear ones!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Are You the Parent of a Goalie or a Forward?
Okay, this is really random today. We have had a very adventuresome week and lots of great photos to share for next, but today I need a small nap! So I'm saving the photos for next week (or maybe tomorrow, we'll see!).
I'm not sure why, but a couple of my posts about speaking positively to kids seem to get the most traffic around here. I find it to be really encouraging that parents out there are trying to find ways to speak more positively to their kids! So, this is really random for today, but I had something along those lines I wanted to share.
My son has been playing goalie for his soccer team this season. Let me tell you, I think he does a fantastic job, especially considering he hasn't ever had any formal goalie training. And maybe it is a blessing or a curse, but his team has lost nearly every game they've played, and, before he started playing goalie full time, they lost by a lot (I told myself I didn't care about winning, until this very deflating experience-- I have a new perspective on mercy rules). I think the positive in here is that if your team isn't that good, at least the goalie is getting lots of action and practice! Just think how boring it would be being keeper for a really good team. I have also been touched by the amount of support the boys on our team get. We have a huge cheering section, even in bad weather, and I have been touched by all the parents who come out to watch their sons get creamed.
As you know, I used to play soccer too, only I played on the opposite end of the field, as a forward.
Here is the thing: as a goalie, no matter how well you do, you can never do better than "0." You could be the best goalie in the world, and yet, your best efforts can only keep you at that 0 mark. More than likely, you aren't perfect, so each mistake is a strike against you and your team. A forward, in contrast, has nothing to lose (this analogy is a little loose, just stick with me). Each goal she scores is one above 0, hence the glory of the forward. Contrast how often you see people jumping up and down hugging a goalie or performing crazy antics after a save, as opposed to how forwards are treated after a goal.
I'm not articulating this very well. So forwards get a lot of positive praise, because each goal they score is a bonus, while playing goalie is sort of a losing endeavor because you get in trouble if you slip up, as each goal scored on you is a strike against you, so to speak.
The same is true of grades in school, in a way. I used to think it was crazy that 80% was such a low score, because, in my book, it was 80 points more than 0! And yet that 80% is looked at by teachers more as a subtraction from 100, not an addition over 0.
This made me realize-- how do I treat my kids? Do I hold them to that 100% mark, and anything they do less than perfect is reprimanded? Or do I look at each thing they do well, or good, and see that as a number greater than 0? Do I treat them as a goalie or a forward?
I have always responded so much better to positive praise than I have to criticism, reprimands, or punishments. I imagine most kids are the same way? So often it seems so easy to ignore the good behavior, and just focus on the behavior that is out of line. It seems worthwhile to me to understand which approach I'm taking, and to make sure I stay positive, helping my child feel safe making mistakes, and feel validated, cheered for, and reinforced for all the good things he or she is doing. The response in a child to positive reinforcement can be absolutely life changing for both parent and child. (and especially those with ADD, update coming soon)
Clear as mud.
I'm not sure why, but a couple of my posts about speaking positively to kids seem to get the most traffic around here. I find it to be really encouraging that parents out there are trying to find ways to speak more positively to their kids! So, this is really random for today, but I had something along those lines I wanted to share.
My son has been playing goalie for his soccer team this season. Let me tell you, I think he does a fantastic job, especially considering he hasn't ever had any formal goalie training. And maybe it is a blessing or a curse, but his team has lost nearly every game they've played, and, before he started playing goalie full time, they lost by a lot (I told myself I didn't care about winning, until this very deflating experience-- I have a new perspective on mercy rules). I think the positive in here is that if your team isn't that good, at least the goalie is getting lots of action and practice! Just think how boring it would be being keeper for a really good team. I have also been touched by the amount of support the boys on our team get. We have a huge cheering section, even in bad weather, and I have been touched by all the parents who come out to watch their sons get creamed.
As you know, I used to play soccer too, only I played on the opposite end of the field, as a forward.
Here is the thing: as a goalie, no matter how well you do, you can never do better than "0." You could be the best goalie in the world, and yet, your best efforts can only keep you at that 0 mark. More than likely, you aren't perfect, so each mistake is a strike against you and your team. A forward, in contrast, has nothing to lose (this analogy is a little loose, just stick with me). Each goal she scores is one above 0, hence the glory of the forward. Contrast how often you see people jumping up and down hugging a goalie or performing crazy antics after a save, as opposed to how forwards are treated after a goal.
I'm not articulating this very well. So forwards get a lot of positive praise, because each goal they score is a bonus, while playing goalie is sort of a losing endeavor because you get in trouble if you slip up, as each goal scored on you is a strike against you, so to speak.
The same is true of grades in school, in a way. I used to think it was crazy that 80% was such a low score, because, in my book, it was 80 points more than 0! And yet that 80% is looked at by teachers more as a subtraction from 100, not an addition over 0.
This made me realize-- how do I treat my kids? Do I hold them to that 100% mark, and anything they do less than perfect is reprimanded? Or do I look at each thing they do well, or good, and see that as a number greater than 0? Do I treat them as a goalie or a forward?
I have always responded so much better to positive praise than I have to criticism, reprimands, or punishments. I imagine most kids are the same way? So often it seems so easy to ignore the good behavior, and just focus on the behavior that is out of line. It seems worthwhile to me to understand which approach I'm taking, and to make sure I stay positive, helping my child feel safe making mistakes, and feel validated, cheered for, and reinforced for all the good things he or she is doing. The response in a child to positive reinforcement can be absolutely life changing for both parent and child. (and especially those with ADD, update coming soon)
Clear as mud.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Memorial Day Weekend Part 1
We had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend, I hope you did too! We rushed off to travel to my father-in-laws house, and in our rush my husband forgot his Sunday pants and I forgot....uh....underwear. How did I do that? Don't worry, problem got solved, though I did learn a little more about some people than I wanted to know, as I got some colorful suggestions from some people that will make it hard for me to look at them the same way from now on. And my son, he made the funniest comment. It worked out. No commando, sorry buddy.
My husband and father-in-law spent the first part of the weekend fixing our car, which took one and a half days instead of 4 hours like the manual said, but fixed nonetheless. We enjoyed our time just being lazy while they were busy fixin' (a much needed break I tell you!), and we had to get creative on Sunday morning since we were all ready for church and no car! No Sunday pants! So we had our own wiggly little church, all dressed up in our Sunday clothes, in the upstairs bedroom of my father in laws farmhouse, deep organ bells replaced by bell-like windchimes, while a cool breeze billowed the white-curtained windows in and out. It turned out to be quite nice. And then we had a lazy rest of the day, sprawled out on the floor coloring or reading or playing games on worn checkered quilts that brought back the memory of my husband's mother-- her warm red cheeks, her welcoming hugs, her motherly ways. I remembered how I fell in love with their place and their way of life, during our courtship, and how much I enjoyed being part of their family. (even if we bailed hay and castrated a bull on my first visit! a bit of a shock for a city girl like me, but at heart I am really a country girl!)
On Monday we visited my hubby's mom's grave. I'll fill you in about the rest some time this week!
My only two children to have met their grandmother sat the longest at her grave.
Wonder what Grandma thought of Guido.
Or what Emerson thought of Grandma.
I always try to get my kids to be respectful in a cemetery, and yet there is an inner playfulness that always seems to be bursting out. I have often wondered if a graveyards recipients, if they are aware of what is going on, do not enjoy the happy, playful, energetic little souls and rather wish to hush the children's mothers!
Forgive my headstone editing here (just to protect some privacy, I guess). I just loved the sweet dandelion offering.
My husband and father-in-law spent the first part of the weekend fixing our car, which took one and a half days instead of 4 hours like the manual said, but fixed nonetheless. We enjoyed our time just being lazy while they were busy fixin' (a much needed break I tell you!), and we had to get creative on Sunday morning since we were all ready for church and no car! No Sunday pants! So we had our own wiggly little church, all dressed up in our Sunday clothes, in the upstairs bedroom of my father in laws farmhouse, deep organ bells replaced by bell-like windchimes, while a cool breeze billowed the white-curtained windows in and out. It turned out to be quite nice. And then we had a lazy rest of the day, sprawled out on the floor coloring or reading or playing games on worn checkered quilts that brought back the memory of my husband's mother-- her warm red cheeks, her welcoming hugs, her motherly ways. I remembered how I fell in love with their place and their way of life, during our courtship, and how much I enjoyed being part of their family. (even if we bailed hay and castrated a bull on my first visit! a bit of a shock for a city girl like me, but at heart I am really a country girl!)
On Monday we visited my hubby's mom's grave. I'll fill you in about the rest some time this week!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Funny
I know I just blogged about helping siblings get along. Isn't so much easier to blog about them getting along, to soliloquize and extemporize and extrapolate fancy theories about children's behavior? And yet, whose behavior really fits into some neat little box? One reason I take some parenting books with a grain of salt. Because they are often written by men, who are probably sitting in a suit somewhere in a quiet, air-conditioned office writing away to their hearts content, while the women they are writing about (who are going on a partial nights sleep for who knows how long) are trying to bend over with a big pregnant belly in the grocery store while one child wails about not getting some candy and the other one makes a mad dash for the exit. It never works like it does in the books! Of course we can write it all pretty-like on a page. But in real life, we are the warriors in the trenches, who both dig the trenches and man them, who get right down in the dirt and fight like crazy just to stay alive some days (excuse my over-generalization, I know there are stay home dads and just dads in general who definitely are right there with us). Mr. Child Expert has never struggled just to take a simple shower before 5 o'clock. And yet, I love parenting! So much. Another day. Its just okay if things don't work out for you just like you thought they should before you had kids, or just like some guy in a tie and an air conditioned office who has never been pregnant thinks they should.
Ah, I digress. So I have a few fun photos, since I was just extemporizing about sibling love. They aren't knock-down-drag-out photos (we have those too sometimes), but they are funny nonetheless. For the funniest fight in progress I have seen in a while, see this. Funny because...I don't know why! It's just funny! And I can relate.
Also, you can see how healthy we were eating on this particular night! You know what, I'm digressing again, but I didn't realize just how much I needed my own perfectionist post on Wed. I didn't realize that a few things I'm stymied on right now are perfectionist-paralysis. I needed a reminder that its better to do things half way than not at all!
You know what? I'm not even going to edit these (living on the edge, I know). Or worry that someone's hair isn't done.
This little girl discovered that by opening and closing her hands, at different times, she could get her sisters (who were sitting on either side of her) to sing or stop singing. You can see when she is quite pleased with herself and you can also see the times when her sisters just were not cooperating. This little girl makes me laugh.
Happy, happy weekend everyone! I hope you are going somewhere fun or able to get some projects done or just able to enjoy a quiet weekend.
Ah, I digress. So I have a few fun photos, since I was just extemporizing about sibling love. They aren't knock-down-drag-out photos (we have those too sometimes), but they are funny nonetheless. For the funniest fight in progress I have seen in a while, see this. Funny because...I don't know why! It's just funny! And I can relate.
Also, you can see how healthy we were eating on this particular night! You know what, I'm digressing again, but I didn't realize just how much I needed my own perfectionist post on Wed. I didn't realize that a few things I'm stymied on right now are perfectionist-paralysis. I needed a reminder that its better to do things half way than not at all!
You know what? I'm not even going to edit these (living on the edge, I know). Or worry that someone's hair isn't done.
This little girl discovered that by opening and closing her hands, at different times, she could get her sisters (who were sitting on either side of her) to sing or stop singing. You can see when she is quite pleased with herself and you can also see the times when her sisters just were not cooperating. This little girl makes me laugh.
Happy, happy weekend everyone! I hope you are going somewhere fun or able to get some projects done or just able to enjoy a quiet weekend.
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