Woke up, my hard working husband gone, a cute little baby nestled up to me. It was as if I forgot in the night I have a baby, and when I woke up it was such a pleasant surprise.
Later he discovered his belly button and mine too.
I discovered that if I blow in his face, his wispy brown hair flutters, he wrinkles his nose and squints his eyes and tips his face back in the cutest smile that shows his gums punctuated by a few little pearly white teeth.
Made a list of positive things about my kids, so I'm armed for some positive talk; I almost cried when my sweet little three year old beamed at the words we wrote about her-- sweet, forgiving, smart. How have I never noticed how forgiving she is until just now?
Went for a run -- morning was beautiful and fragrant and air humming with insects. White moths fluttering among bending willow branches. Busy cyclists in bright pink and orange, a fair announcer echoing, parents holding toddlers on a yellow mini-train.
On the way back, I looked across a large pasture toward the mountains and thought of all the different runs I've been on in different parts of the world. For me they have come to symbolize what is great about the life I live right now. When we lived in England, my son and I had a little "forest" we'd traverse, where we'd look at bugs, he'd stand on protruding roots and say "yah!" and I'd watch the sunlight filter through those beautiful English trees. I thought life didn't get any better, and I worried that when our time there came to an end, I would leave that behind forever. Yet in every place we've lived we've found a new walk we love, coming to symbolize that there is something good about each time of life we're in, we just need to find it and appreciate it and soak it in.
Today my baby would crane his neck backward and cheese a broad, grayish-brown-eyed smile through a slit between the bright blue stroller canopy and the stroller itself. His little legs ended in chubby pointing-out toes, too small to bend with the stroller seat. I looked out over the pasture, patches of tall red, brown, and green grasses, two horses, a rickety rust train taking its time down the tracks; the mountains, velvet with spring green, pines in tall herds running imperceptibly down the mountain, a rook-shaped piece of snow melting in the peak, and giraffe-spot dapples of shade and light from billowy white clouds.
I may be working toward a destination but the best part is looking around at what I have right now. :)
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Speaking Positive Words to Kids
I've been researching how words affect people, especially children. I picked up The Five Love Languages of Children (Chapman, Campbell) again this morning and felt enlightened by what I read. It inspired me to make a list of "to remembers"-- I'm going to break this up into sections because my list is pretty long.
* Point out the positive, ignore the negative (as much as possible)... The Power of Positive Parenting (Latham): the behavior I pay attention to, good or bad, will increase.
* Encourage....It's my role to help my child become what he/she wants to become, encourage what he or she sees as success and not just what I want him/her to do, otherwise I come off as manipulative and insincere....when the child sees I want what's in his best interest, he will respond better. There are so many inspiring examples of this in history-- I love Winston Churchill encouraging the British to resist Hitler during the Battle of Britain.
* Tone of voice-- I read in The Lost Art of Listening (Nichols) that tone is key when communicating. If I start a conversation with an agitated or frustrated or angry tone, it puts people on the defensive and they're less likely to really hear what I say or open up to me. Kids may be especially sensitive to this.
* Give targeted compliments-- throwing out too many generalized compliments doesn't fool kids (I shouldn't praise them for a great throw in baseball if it was really only just average) and sets them up for a hard scenario later in life when they need constant positive feedback in order to feel good about themselves (I read about this in the Self Esteem Trap- by Young-Eisendrath).
* Words are powerful-- we remember them and play them over in our heads for years-- good and bad. I read somewhere that the little voice we hear in our head as an adult is usually the voice of our mother, for good or ill.
I found this blog called 71 Toes. The author is also a mother of five and a great example of positivity in motherhood. She has some fantastic ideas about building kids up. I love this idea about writing your kids talents on their fingertips.
What is something positive someone has said to you that you have never forgotten?
* Point out the positive, ignore the negative (as much as possible)... The Power of Positive Parenting (Latham): the behavior I pay attention to, good or bad, will increase.
* Encourage....It's my role to help my child become what he/she wants to become, encourage what he or she sees as success and not just what I want him/her to do, otherwise I come off as manipulative and insincere....when the child sees I want what's in his best interest, he will respond better. There are so many inspiring examples of this in history-- I love Winston Churchill encouraging the British to resist Hitler during the Battle of Britain.
* Tone of voice-- I read in The Lost Art of Listening (Nichols) that tone is key when communicating. If I start a conversation with an agitated or frustrated or angry tone, it puts people on the defensive and they're less likely to really hear what I say or open up to me. Kids may be especially sensitive to this.
* Give targeted compliments-- throwing out too many generalized compliments doesn't fool kids (I shouldn't praise them for a great throw in baseball if it was really only just average) and sets them up for a hard scenario later in life when they need constant positive feedback in order to feel good about themselves (I read about this in the Self Esteem Trap- by Young-Eisendrath).
* Words are powerful-- we remember them and play them over in our heads for years-- good and bad. I read somewhere that the little voice we hear in our head as an adult is usually the voice of our mother, for good or ill.
I found this blog called 71 Toes. The author is also a mother of five and a great example of positivity in motherhood. She has some fantastic ideas about building kids up. I love this idea about writing your kids talents on their fingertips.
What is something positive someone has said to you that you have never forgotten?
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Good Day
We had a great day (much better than yesterday!).
Walked the kids to school, had a refreshing chat with a friend as our kids hopped and skipped and bug-inspected their way home.
Planted some flowers while the kids ate Popsicles and made mud pies with the dirt out of the pots. Ava (3) put her muddy pot brimming with brown floating goodness in a corner and told me "Mom, don't touch my whirlpool!"
Helped at the school's field day, helping Kindergartners first-- they were so cute-- many of the games were designed for older kids, and it was so fun to watch them figure things out. In an obstacle course race, carrying bright orange buckets under pipes over a wet slip-n-slide, they inched their way along with tentative maneuverings, afraid to get wet. At the end, they were supposed to dump their pail into a small swimming pool and go to the back of the line. One little girl actually got in the swimming pool and was rolling around in it, happy as a clam. Loved being outside enjoying the perfect weather, the energy and excitement of all the kids, and the other moms, too.
Painted faces. Love doing this-- the kids are so cute and its fun to talk to them one-on-one. I am terrible at it, but they don't seem to mind too much.
This little girl (top pictures) LOVES it when I come to the school. She loves Percy Jackson; she asked for a trident on one cheek and a lightning bolt on the other. Her friend was cute, too.
This boy and his friends had the giggles. I love that they are such good buds. He asked for eyelids on his eyelids and a green mouth with lots of teeth around his mouth. I have to say, my two kiddos asked for things no other kids asked for. It makes me laugh-- I love to see their personalities.
This little girl recovered from the possessed Belle I painted on her face and went on to get a little creative with the paints while I was busy painting faces and taking care of baby. Looks like we replaced Demented Belle with Stumpy Unicorn.
Walked the kids to school, had a refreshing chat with a friend as our kids hopped and skipped and bug-inspected their way home.
Planted some flowers while the kids ate Popsicles and made mud pies with the dirt out of the pots. Ava (3) put her muddy pot brimming with brown floating goodness in a corner and told me "Mom, don't touch my whirlpool!"
Helped at the school's field day, helping Kindergartners first-- they were so cute-- many of the games were designed for older kids, and it was so fun to watch them figure things out. In an obstacle course race, carrying bright orange buckets under pipes over a wet slip-n-slide, they inched their way along with tentative maneuverings, afraid to get wet. At the end, they were supposed to dump their pail into a small swimming pool and go to the back of the line. One little girl actually got in the swimming pool and was rolling around in it, happy as a clam. Loved being outside enjoying the perfect weather, the energy and excitement of all the kids, and the other moms, too.
Painted faces. Love doing this-- the kids are so cute and its fun to talk to them one-on-one. I am terrible at it, but they don't seem to mind too much.
This little girl (top pictures) LOVES it when I come to the school. She loves Percy Jackson; she asked for a trident on one cheek and a lightning bolt on the other. Her friend was cute, too.
This boy and his friends had the giggles. I love that they are such good buds. He asked for eyelids on his eyelids and a green mouth with lots of teeth around his mouth. I have to say, my two kiddos asked for things no other kids asked for. It makes me laugh-- I love to see their personalities.
This little girl recovered from the possessed Belle I painted on her face and went on to get a little creative with the paints while I was busy painting faces and taking care of baby. Looks like we replaced Demented Belle with Stumpy Unicorn.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Remembering Her (even though she's still alive)
We trailed into a country church twenty seconds before it started; the only seats left were the front row. Organ pipes sweet as my little blond six-year old rested her elbow on my knee and smiled at me with hazel-ish green eyes. Am I dreaming it? Trying to be positive is already giving me even more loving feelings toward my cuties, and vice-versa.
(This talk is all about the fact that we often feel the way we talk, making negative feelings even more negative. Also read on Happiness Project website that venting anger doesn't help; it hurts-- here (#4). I need to remember to talk the way I want to feel [from 'act the way I want to feel' -- the Happiness Project]. I've also noticed my kiddos talking more positively toward me and each other as I've tried to be more positive.)
Unobstructed view of a cute 16-ish boy who joked he was asked to talk about "dead people." Made me think of my beloved grandmas, one of whom who raised eleven children. What a great example of positivity she was; in her life history, she recounted the perils of raising such a large brood-- from escaped snakes to stitches to a near-hanging (my father, perched on his tricycle, hanging from a rope and found just in time) to a young daughter who fell on the floor at dinner crying "oh my heart! oh my heart!" Instead of complaining about these troubles, she would reinforce the value of each unique child-- "we were glad she survived that. We needed and loved our _______ [child's name]." (said at least once about each child) She focused on how proud she was of each of them and their indispensability to the family.
What makes her story even more impressive was the fact that theirs was a combined family. She lost her first husband in the war; he lost his wife to cancer. They started their life together with six children. They decided from the get-go that the children were theirs-- no step anything or half anything (she said-- "who's ever heard of half a person?"). When asked by acquaintances whose children were whose, she would say "they are ours." When they would persist, so would she. (What guts! I couldn't do that) They even moved to give their family a fresh start in a new place so they could avoid those kind of questions. She treated my grandfather's children as her own and vice-versa. To this day, his oldest son visits her nearly every day and calls her "mother." Until I was an adult, I always thought of all my aunts and uncles as my aunts and uncles, no distinctions. They were a family.
Things I'm trying to remember: no complaining (especially in front of the child)-- since it rarely does any good, no comparing my children, keep my mouth shut even when well-meaning people want information or comment on something my child is or does...think/talk well about myself, too.
(This talk is all about the fact that we often feel the way we talk, making negative feelings even more negative. Also read on Happiness Project website that venting anger doesn't help; it hurts-- here (#4). I need to remember to talk the way I want to feel [from 'act the way I want to feel' -- the Happiness Project]. I've also noticed my kiddos talking more positively toward me and each other as I've tried to be more positive.)
Unobstructed view of a cute 16-ish boy who joked he was asked to talk about "dead people." Made me think of my beloved grandmas, one of whom who raised eleven children. What a great example of positivity she was; in her life history, she recounted the perils of raising such a large brood-- from escaped snakes to stitches to a near-hanging (my father, perched on his tricycle, hanging from a rope and found just in time) to a young daughter who fell on the floor at dinner crying "oh my heart! oh my heart!" Instead of complaining about these troubles, she would reinforce the value of each unique child-- "we were glad she survived that. We needed and loved our _______ [child's name]." (said at least once about each child) She focused on how proud she was of each of them and their indispensability to the family.
What makes her story even more impressive was the fact that theirs was a combined family. She lost her first husband in the war; he lost his wife to cancer. They started their life together with six children. They decided from the get-go that the children were theirs-- no step anything or half anything (she said-- "who's ever heard of half a person?"). When asked by acquaintances whose children were whose, she would say "they are ours." When they would persist, so would she. (What guts! I couldn't do that) They even moved to give their family a fresh start in a new place so they could avoid those kind of questions. She treated my grandfather's children as her own and vice-versa. To this day, his oldest son visits her nearly every day and calls her "mother." Until I was an adult, I always thought of all my aunts and uncles as my aunts and uncles, no distinctions. They were a family.
Things I'm trying to remember: no complaining (especially in front of the child)-- since it rarely does any good, no comparing my children, keep my mouth shut even when well-meaning people want information or comment on something my child is or does...think/talk well about myself, too.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Desert VIP
Went for a drive on a dusty red road through dry sage brush and clay hills with Grandpa yesterday. Stopped to look at some rocks. The kids found some fossil shells, shiny obsidian, and a rodent skull. So windy we came home with sand in our hair and pressed in our ears. Reminded me how good memories together aren't always of the perfect times, but bonding over imperfect ones, too. Out of the wind, I let my two little girls sit in my lap in the car while others searched for more rocks. I'd had the song I'm a VIP in My Family playing over and over in my head since I woke up. They giggled when I'd say "very important person" and squeeze them. Excited for this month's goals.
Looking for frogs at Grandpa's.
Looking for frogs at Grandpa's.
Cup Half Full and a Maserati
We went on a long road trip yesterday, winding between and over pine mountains in the waning light. We successfully completed a 60 second piano recital on our way to Grandpa's house. Stopped for food with 2 hours to go. Hubby got some waters with our order; probably because he asked for no less than seven waters :) (we're used to it, but its still embarrassing to ask sometimes), they gave them to us in little tiny ice cream sundae cups. I was wondering how it was going to go with everyone having about two sips of water on the long drive. :)
Gearing up to talk positively to and about the kids :), I thought I could start with the water. So, instead of grumbling about the size of the waters (I understand, after all...that is a lot of waters), I opened our dusty van door and said "look how lucky we are! We get to drink out of these cute tiny cups!" The kids acted really excited. I tossed some crinkly wrapped burgers around like an underhanded basketball while I overheard them saying "When I'm done, I'm saving my cup. I want to keep it!"
Hubby anxious to pass slow slow trailer after 20 mins, gassed it so hard when his time came and then he just kept on going. It felt fast? Felt like he suddenly thought our minivan was a Maserati. I looked warily at the speedometer and he was only going 50-- five over the speed limit. Even the kids started asking "why is Dad going so fast?" After that, he slowed down and we laughed. Today my six year old said "Dad, go 50!" Now that is what she thinks of as fast.
Winding through more canyons, hub-bub of chatter in the car, we spotted a moose and her calf knee deep in a stream, lots of deer, and, at the top of a mountain, a crystal sky-blue lake. I had my feet up on the dashboard, enjoying my new fuchsia colored toenails and (am I dreaming it?) thinner legs (morning exercising paying off, got a long way to go still). Marks on dashboard reminded me how thankful I am for my pain-free legs (story here). Lots of bad jokes about deer, but I was happy to hear the kids laughing-- "oh dear, I missed the deer." Later I sat in back with the girls for a sleepy chat to Grandpa's house. Dusk settled as we raced the night train, just a sleepy little family and some sagebrush.
Gearing up to talk positively to and about the kids :), I thought I could start with the water. So, instead of grumbling about the size of the waters (I understand, after all...that is a lot of waters), I opened our dusty van door and said "look how lucky we are! We get to drink out of these cute tiny cups!" The kids acted really excited. I tossed some crinkly wrapped burgers around like an underhanded basketball while I overheard them saying "When I'm done, I'm saving my cup. I want to keep it!"
Hubby anxious to pass slow slow trailer after 20 mins, gassed it so hard when his time came and then he just kept on going. It felt fast? Felt like he suddenly thought our minivan was a Maserati. I looked warily at the speedometer and he was only going 50-- five over the speed limit. Even the kids started asking "why is Dad going so fast?" After that, he slowed down and we laughed. Today my six year old said "Dad, go 50!" Now that is what she thinks of as fast.
Winding through more canyons, hub-bub of chatter in the car, we spotted a moose and her calf knee deep in a stream, lots of deer, and, at the top of a mountain, a crystal sky-blue lake. I had my feet up on the dashboard, enjoying my new fuchsia colored toenails and (am I dreaming it?) thinner legs (morning exercising paying off, got a long way to go still). Marks on dashboard reminded me how thankful I am for my pain-free legs (story here). Lots of bad jokes about deer, but I was happy to hear the kids laughing-- "oh dear, I missed the deer." Later I sat in back with the girls for a sleepy chat to Grandpa's house. Dusk settled as we raced the night train, just a sleepy little family and some sagebrush.
A Little Disclaimer
In no way am I, the author of this blog, endorsing or detracting from specific parenting styles or procedures. Everyone is different in personality and circumstance; there is no one right way. :) I'm just telling my story. Just doing my best to be the best parent I can be considering my own circumstances. I hope it inspires someone out there to do their own project-- to make the most of their time with children-- however that may look for them. Thanks for reading!
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